Monday, November 15, 2010


Sob7an Allah, these days last year I was in a different status. i had many hopes and dreams and waited for a miracle to happen. it was a matter of life or death to me back then.
i thought about it so happily, and my days were just as warm as the sun shine.
just the feeling and just the thought about it brought instant smile not only to my lips, but also to my heart.
when i think about it now, i feel nothing. it is history. no pain and just nothing.
all i feel now is happiness, free and hope in the future.
i know that Allah will grant me happiness
i hope for his support and comfort
i thank Him for his gifts during the past months
i thank him for saving me of lots of troubles and pain.
today, on 3arafat day, i pray to him and thank him for his gifts to me
i thank him for granting me of such wisdom
i thank him for putting so much love and warmth for everybody in my heart.
this is a priceless gift, i would have never got if it was not for Allah's hand to put it there.

اللهم لك الحمد و الشكر حمدا كثيرا طيبا تحبه و ترضاه يا رب العالمين

Monday, November 1, 2010

Just for today

Just for today, devote one hour to something that really matters to you.
there might be no tomorrow to do so.

Sunday, October 24, 2010


"Hey" two arms just grabbed me.
"welcome home, you are early, Sir. what's wrong."
"nothing. just missed you, so i grabed my jacket, drove the car and got here."
"how about your work?"
"you are more important"
i just love him.
nothing sophisticated about that. it is deep, pure love, that i feel for him.
for as long as we both shall live.
for the person he is.
yah ya kareem. how much i love you- for who you are.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

let the past die

Hotmail assistance team just approached me for restore of my old hotmail account. for a moment i was tempted to ask them to retrieve it, after so long time i have lost it.
this account was my very first one, years ago and has witnessed so many events in my life and has been my way to communicate with many people.
but then on a second thought i thanked them for their assistance and asked them to delete it without me retrieving anyhting, which was saved on this account.
let the past rest ya Hebba- was all i could tell myself.
and for the first time in long time, i listened to my mind, overcoming my heart.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

"Tuesdays with Morrie" - 6

... how we feel a surge of love for a partner, but we don't say anything because we're frozen wiht the fear of what those words might do to the relationship.
Morrie's approach was exactely the opposite. Turn on the faucet.wash yourself with the emotion.It won't hurt you. ...."Allright, it's just fear, I don't have to let it control me. I see it for what it is."

from "Tuesdays with Morrie" for Mitch Albom, 1997- an old man, a young man and life's greatest lesson

dare to feel
dare to love
dare to risk your "safe place"
dare to live

fear is just a phase that we all go through, and for sure can overcome it- for life is worth the risk.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Tuesdays with Morrie - 5

"A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops"
Henry Adams
from "Tuesdays with Morrie" for Mitch Albom, 1997- an old man, a young man and life's greatest lesson

A teacher could easily take over the role of parents - up to a certain level. as you never forget your parents, as their effect never stops on you, and your children - so does the effect of a teacher, mentor, professor, etc.
they affect their students' lives in a scary way.
if you are one of them, just be careful of what image you give to your students. you are the row model they tend to follow.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Tuesdays with Morrie - 4

....Maurie Stein, his best friend, was going deaf. Koppel imagined the tow men together one day, one unable to speak, the other unable to hear.What would that be like?
We will hold hands", Morrie said."And there'll be a lot of love passing between us.Ted, we've had thirty-five years of friendship.You don't need speech or hearing to feel that".

from "Tuesdays with Morrie" for Mitch Albom, 1997- an old man, a young man and life's greatest lesson

After 35 years of true frienship, you dont really need words to communicate. it goes without saying. no more words needed, no more explaining or telling. it was all said and a solid ground has been established. building has already been in process for years.

I am blessed with friends, who I know since KG (one), Bernd, from my last position (8) newly came this year (4) and others yet to come- hopefully.
I can not iamgine my life without those who are existing now, who i know since so many years, who have been part of my life for long years, and who have shared with me lots of happy and sad moments.
They all care for me, as much as I care for them. it is never 1 to 1 act, or 1 to 1 compliment. neither of us never cared who called who last time, or whose turn is it to plan our outings, or drive me back to a familiar road.
Nor do I know who told who about Dad's death, i simply found them all around. or have followed, or came later on.
as simple, deep and clear as that.
True friends are a blessing.

page 52.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Just for today

Just for today share your happy news with those you know they care.
why do we tend to spread sadness and keep happyness for ourselves?
sharing the rose never reduces the odeur.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

"Tuesdays with Morrie" - 3

"When I have people and friends here, I'm very up.The loving relationships maintain me."

from "Tuesdays with Morrie" for Mitch Albom, 1997- an old man, a young man and life's greatest lesson

He was a mentor & teacher, who was used to give, teach, and coach his students, transfer and share his knowledge with them- young they were, wise he was.
When I read this sentence, I could so much relate to it.
Yes, friendships or loving relations DO maintain the human side in us.
as long as we have someone to care for, as long as we still care for someone else's wellbeing, we are still human.
there is not only ME existing in this world, there are others, who have same rights as i do. same needs, same wishes and have same weaknesses.
Having a balanced relationship maintains the soul from sinking in a deep sea of lonliness and selfishness.
Having my friends and family around me- elhamdollah- as well as being able to make new friends is one blessing, that keeps my soul away from lonliness and keeps me from not being a self-centered creature.

Sunday, September 26, 2010


For long years I thought you were gone, but you were right here next to me.
For some time I thought I got over you and have forgotten you, but you were never forgotten.
For few times I thought you have forgotten me, only to feel the old passion in your words, when we talked.
For once I felt in love to only know that my feelings were a big illusion, when compared to what I felt for you.
For once I felt he was at the same level as you were, to know how precious you are when compared to him.
For once I thought I was ready for a new life, but you never left room for anyone else to have in my heart.
For long years I thought I don't love you anymore, yet here I am smiling again at your jokes when reading them - for the million's time.
For long years I thought I have forgotten your life-loving spirit, sense of humor, warmth, tender heart, caring hand caressing my soul, but they have never left my side for a second.
For years i thought i have forgotten your teasing me for being an early sleeper, joking about my Tweety-printed T-shirt and my being chocoholic- but they are still right here, printed in my heart.
For long years i was fighting against your shadow, only to find out that everyone else is a shadow,
while you are the only truth i ever knew in my life.

So I decided to accept the truth and to stop fighting.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Natural Hights

Take a few minutes and read these. Think about  them one at a time BEFORE going on to the next one.........IT DOES MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD especially the thought at the end.
I marked the ones i love mostely with red and added my personal part between brackets.
you are mostly welcome to do the same and share with us :), or even better- add your own "Natural hights" to the list

Falling in love.

Laughing so hard your face hurts.

A hot shower.

A special glance. (saying anything that only me would understand)

Getting mail.

Taking a drive on a pretty road.

Hearing your favorite song on the radio.  (i can never resist a song for Halim in Radio or TV)

Lying in bed listening to the rain outside. (the next thing to do is jump out of bed, to the balcony and catch rain drops with my hands)

Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half price.

Chocolate milkshake. (love making them when my cousin's son visits me and we share it)

A long distance phone call (Bernd never fails to surprise me in this regard. i never know when he will call)

A bubble bath.

Giggling. (when i do something naughty and mom can't stop yelling at me) 

A good conversation.

The beach. (I am pure Cancerian. beach is my home)

Finding a $20 bill in your coat from last winter.

Laughing at yourself.

Midnight phone calls that last for hours.

Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.

Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.

Friends. (they are a treasure i can never afford to loose.very carefully selected & simply part of my soul)

Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you (it gives me a lift to my self-confidence beacue i know that it is sincere, honest and meant)

Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep. (a heavenly feeling at a cold winter morning)

Making new friends or spending time with old ones

Playing with a new puppy.

Having someone play with your hair.

Sweet dreams.

Hot chocolate. (I am a hopeless case chocoholic)

Road trips with friends.

Swinging on swings. (i just cant matters where or wiht whom i am, i just take a ride)

Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along without feeling stupid.

Going to a really good concert.

Winning a really competitive game.

Making chocolate chip cookies.(love baking & cooking and then watching others enjoy eating the food) 

Having your friends send you homemade cookies.

Spending time with close friends. (a treasure i can never thank allah enough for)

Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends.(it's when happiness & laughter are being doubled by sharing)

Holding hands with someone you care about.(the most intensive way to feel secure)

Running into an old friend and realizing that some things never change.

Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you. (giving is a joy in itself)

Watching the sunrise.

Getting out of bed every morning and thanking God for another beautiful day.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Just for today

Just for today, cultivate the virtue of benevolence and be like the sun that shines for all without taking anything in return.

Wish to be like that one day :)

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Tuesdays with Morrie - 2

"Mitch, you asked about caring for people I don't even know. But can I tell you the thing I'm learning most with this disease?
What's that?
"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in"
His voice dropped to a whisper."Let it come in.We think we don't deserve love, we think if we let it in we'll become too soft. But a wise man named Levine said it right. He said, 'Love is the only rational act'"
He repeated it carefully, pausing for effect " 'Love is the only rational act' ".
from "Tuesdays with Morrie" for Mitch Albom, 1997- an old man, a young man and life's greatest lesson
page 52.

While everyone strongly advises everyone else to give out love, to enjoy giving, to give because giving is a noble act- most of us deny themselves the right to take in love.
It is a right, that every creature needs to survive:human being, animals and plants are equal in this part.
it is nature's rule to dry out and die if love is missing.
give love as much as you wish and can afford, but never forget to let it come in your heart.
if it makes you soft, then you are human
if it makes you happy, this is the main purpose of life
if it makes you feel satisfied, this is justice of life: to give & take in equal parts
if it makes you feel grateful, then you are a good soul
if it touches your heart, then the loving gesture you have just received is very sincere. double happiness.

allow those who love you to "love" you. it is not bad. it is human.

Monday, September 20, 2010

A beautiful, wise, romantic and Proud-to-be Virgo

She is my friend, who I got to know about 10 months ago.
We got quickly attached to eachother, feeling that there are many things in common and therefore there is no formal introduction needed.
On the first day of Adha feast she simply called to wish me a happy feast. that first call wasn't for few minutes- i still remember it was for almost an hour.
this is our habit, late night phone calls for hours, sometimes it ended after dawn :) - 2 crazy souls talking about God and the world :)

She is my friend with the beautiful mind and soul - as i used to call her.
She likes writing, drawing, pencils, coloured pens, block notes, anything related to writing and arts is her favourties.

She is a very good writer, who enjoys writing as activity and most of her writings are not for publishing. it is her personal pleasure to write down her thoughts and feelings in the most sincere way. i can't resist not being touched by what she writes.

She is creativity walking on 2 legs, in a beautiful way you won't want her ideas to end- if you got to see them :)- yet she rarely shares them.

Rawanie, or rounie as i love to call you: Happy and blessed Birthday dearest.
May today be just the start of a beautiful, happy and blessed year to come
may this new year of your life be a start to many healthy and blessed years to come
may Allah protect your beautiful soul and your faith enlightens your face more and more.
May we always remain friends, no matters where we are or how life treats us.

All i am trying to tell you- dear- that you are a treasure friend and sister I am blessed to have.

Yellow is her favourite colour, that's why I am using it.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

"Tuesdays with Morrie" - 1

" So many people walk arround with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. this is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning".
from "Tuesdays with Morrie" for Mitch Albom, 1997- an old man, a young man and life's greatest lesson

I love Mitch Albom's writing, because it is a very simple yet a very deep style of writing. touching, creative and human. the above quote is from his bestseller, where he published his re-meeting with his old teacher, what they talked about and what he has learned from the old man.

the above quote doesn't really need much commenting from my side. i found it so much true and wished to share with whoever reads it.
the keyword for me in this quote is "love". it says it all. love yourself, love those around you, love your life by doing things, that would take you from the narrow "my life" into the wide "human life".
enrich your life by being useful to mankind, and the satisfaction you will get would be very rewarding when compared to the effort you have done.
You might not have time, money, effort or ability for great doings, however never underestimate a simple kind action, like for instance a smile to an old, tired or desperate person passing by you on the street.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

El Aar- The Shame

I am not a fan of TV series, and never follow any especially in Ramadan.
Qadaran, I got to watch few episodes of this series.
The number of evil actions and thinking way in this series scared me, but what scared me more was the way Allah's hand has taken revenge from those evil people.
it is not just a TV series, it is more the revenge or giving back the rights to those who were hurt.
the concept of allah's hand keeping the justice in this world - although i always believed in it- shook me to the roots.
Dear Lord, dont ever let me hurt anyone, for i fear your revenge.
and if i do it - i am human afterall - please forgive me and let them forgive me, before it is too late for me to come back to your correct path.
Dear Lord, I am forgiving those who have hurt me - throughout my life. and You are hereby my witness- for i hope if i ever hurt someone, they would forgive me too.
Dear Lord, as much as i hoped for your justice, as much as it scares me how it can destroy a weak human soul.
Grant us all your mercy and help us to overcome the evil in us.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

كيف أنت يا سراقة و في يديك أسورة كسرى Light of hope in a dark moment

Suraqah, how would you feel, if wearing the royal barclets of the romanian King?

a simple question, which he asked his follower, on the day he was running away from his hometown.
while everyone was looking for him, he was wanted alive or dead, only his friend as companion, travelling a long and unknown road to escape his enemies and reach his destination city as safe as possible.
facing one of his enemies who has found him, he never lost his courage, hope and faith in Allah's hand.
he was very sure of his victory, as Allah has promised him a complete victory ove his enemies, but he taught me so many things, from this very short incident.

- set your goal, plan for it and work hard to reach it.
- never loose hope.even in darkest moments, keep your head up, trust in Allah's judgement and keep working to get there.
- a kind approach-even with your enemies- has a magical influence. being cruel is the easiest way, strong kindness is your weapon to fight your enemies.
- If today you are the weak party, tomorrow you will be the strong one. just work on it.
- The true leader is the one who spreads positive attitude to those arround him. His calm, positive attitude in dealing wiht this man gave Abu Bakr -his friend and companion- the time to calm down and gather his courage again, ready to fight if needed.
- let go of hatred and forgive who used to be your enemy. you never know, tomorrow he might be your companion and supporter.
- never use people's weak moments. think of your own weak moments.

Suraqah ibn Malik has lived few years after this incident and at the time the Muslims won the romanian empire, while Omar ibn el Khattab was ruling- Suraqqah got the royal barcelts of Qissrah and wore them infront of everyone- as HE promised him.

When i am down, loosing my faith in myself and the world, i run to him. read his life story, listen to people talking about it, learning from him how to overcome my weakness.
and he never failed to help me, whenever i looked for a sign in his life.
I always find the answer to my question in his life story and find my way back to the right path

Allahoma sally wa sallem 3ala saidna Mohammad wa 3ala aleh wa sa7beh ajma3ien.

Friday, August 27, 2010

roses for a very special occasion

I stood with my back to the kitchen door, about to take the food off the cooker.
Kareem just drove in few minutes ago and I expect the three of them to burst into the kitchen any second.
surprisingly he walked in alone, the kids not chatting with him as usual.
I was about to turn around, when his arms slid arround my waist, his right hand holding a bouquet of beautiful red, white and rosa roses- just infront of my nose.
hey, these are lovely."
"so are you"
"what's the occasion?"
"a very special one: I love you"

Me and the roses ended up in his arms resting on his shoulder, a tender smile on my lips, love shining from my eyes.
"I love you too"

Thursday, August 26, 2010


11\272 عن أبي شريح بن عمرو الخزاعي رضي الله عنه قال: قال النبي صلى الله عليه و سلم اللهم اني أحرج حق الضعيفين: اليتيم و المرأة.
( أحرج = ألحق الحرج- و هو الأثم - بمن ضيع حقهما، و أحذر من ذلك تحذيرا بليغا، و أزجر عنه زجرا أكيدا.)
حديث حسن رواه النسائي باسناد جيد
من كتاب رياض الصال
Muhammad (SAW), as wittnessed by many of his companions, said: Oh Allah, I herewith condemn those, who don't give A woman or an orphan child their full rights".

what if he was living in our world now, witnessing unfair treatment of women and orphans?

no where to go

no bed for me to sleep on
no room for me to stay in
no place for my books
no place for my cloths
no spcae for me.
I could build my own nest- but i am not a bird
I could relocate - but i am not a man
I could move out, but where to go.
same prison everywhere

I just wonder, how long is it till time is due and I can leave this world?

Saturday, August 21, 2010

An advise from He, who loves me (1)

وَعَنْ أَبي هُريرةَ رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهُ قَالَ : قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ : « أَلا أُخْبِرُكُمْ بِخَيْرِكُمْ مِنْ شَرِّكُمْ ؟ ثَلاثَ مَرَّاتٍ ، قَالُوا : بَلى ، قَالَ : خَيْرُكُمْ مَنْ يُرْجَى خَيْرُهُ وَيُؤمَنُ شَرُّهُ ، وَشَرُّكُمْ مَنْ لا يُرْجَى خَيْرُهُ وَلا يُؤْمَنُ شَرُّهُ » . أخرجه الترمذي

Abu Hureirah, one of Mohammad's companions (SAW) said:
"The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: would you want me to tell you who would be the best man and the worst man between you?"
repeating it three times...
We- his companions said "Please do"
He said: The best of you is the one, who you would always expect good doings from , and are always safe from evil doings.
while the worst of you is the one, who you would never expect any good doings from, and you are never safe from evil doings."

I wish to be a person who never hurts others on purpose, and who others always feel safe from evil doings at my side.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

what's wrong with me

Today i can "see" that what i considered a "loss" was actually a "stopping" of a bigger loss over the long run.
but a very strange feeling i have.
i am not "happy" to find out i escaped a bigger loss. i still feel sad. deep down there is a sadness and a bitterness i can not explain.
i know it will fade with time
i know i will feel better tomrrow morning, when my nephew comes to visit.
i know i will forget about this post.
but right now, i feel a deep sadness that i can not overcome, nor explain, and that i will have to bear for the rest of the night.

When your child needs you

.... when they do a mistake or take a wrong decision, it is mainly because they are confused (not because they are stupid or silly)
destructive criticism is their enemies role
yours is a loving guidance and a caring understanding.
Please be parent to your child or let them look for a replacement for you.

Sunday, August 8, 2010


I received this as attachment to an email from a friend. I found it a kind reminder to me, to remember this simple, yet very important fact:
"Kind actions never die,
cruel actions are never forgotten,
the debtor never dies
so be and act the way you wish,
you are the debtor today and have a right
tomorrow you are the creditor and have to pay your debts back"
Today I want to try being a good person, caring for my family and friends and not hurting anyone because tomorrow i want my conscious to be clear when I stand in front of Allah (SWT) with no shame on my face.
Ya rab, never give me the power to hurt anyone, never let me be cruel to someone, never put egoism and arrogance in my heart.
Ya rab.

Monday, August 2, 2010

My brother's birthday

My dear brother,
this goes to you - INTENTIONALLY one day late, because i knew everyone would write on their blogs on this occasion.
I just wanted to be "different".I won't make it long

I just want to tell you that you mean a lot to me. your friendship and your "being my caring brother" really means alot to me.

I saw you at the beginning as a kind young man, ebn nas awy and a very good and intelligent writer.
then I came to see a side of you, which I knew existed, yet i never imagined it went that deep.
the side of you being "human", "kind", "mo7taram" or "considerate".
it was all said in one sentence, which is just imprinted in my heart
" Hebba, I knew it from the beginning. I noticed the change, as I am very observant"
those few words showed how considerate and "mo7taram" you are, for to see something, yet not to abuse it, not to point it out and not to push on the bleeding wound.

Thank you ya baraheem - i am borrowing it from Zou till i come up with a unique nick name for you.
thank you for being so kind and considerate and human when i mostly needed it.
thank you for being my brother. I am 100% positive that whenever i need a shoulder to support me, you will be there.

warmest and best wishes for a life full of happiness and success you so much deserve, dearest brother.
Hope your 23th (copying neisy's) year is just the start for a life full of love, warmth, success, happiness and everything you so much deserve.

N.B. I love that picture. it tells everything about you.
bravo ya Neisy :)

Saturday, July 31, 2010


There was a time when i thought a part of my soul has died and i dont want it back again.
today i found out that this part is still very much alive, and that i would never let it die, for it is a very important part of me.
I missed being free and open to new experiences. today this part is back again.
I am happy about it.
Welcome back, me :)

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A Flower

A flower says....  you are loved more than you think.
A flower says....  you deserve happiness.
A flower says.... you are my friend.
A flower says .... I am nature's hand to fight human's ugliness.
A flower says .... God is Almighty to create from a small seed such a beauty.
A flower says .... there is hope.
A flower says .... beauty is there for everyone to enjoy: poor and rich.
A flower says .... none can stop my blossom if God is willing for me to grow.
A flower says .... look at me and smile. costs you no effort.
A flower says .....i don't cost much, yet have so much value in me.
A flower says .... it takes an inner eye to see my value.
A flower says .... i can express more than all words of all languages do.
A flower says .... my odour is only for those who dare to come closer.
A flower says .... my beauty is unique.
A flower says .... I love you.

i am giving a flower to all my friends, beloved ones, family and everyone who reads this post.
A flower to cheer you up, make you feel loved and cared for, give you some hope and happiness.

hope you enjoy my virtual flower :)

Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
Veronica A. Shoffstall

Did you know...that when you walk past a flower, whether it be in somebody's garden or in a vacant lot, the flower will always smile at you. The most polite way to respond, I've been told, is to cheerfully return the smile.
Ron Atchison

Monday, July 26, 2010

a quality time

Kareem was watching his favourite show on TV, when i came and just sat there. i kept silent, not watching but just sitting next to him.
somehow he felt there is something wrong with me.
he looked at me, and silently put his arm around my shoulder pulling me closer to him.
"why do i feel a loose heartbeat here, love?"
i rested my head at his shoulder and sighed.
"would you love me when i am 70? old, weak, wrinkles allover my face?"
he looked at me and said "would you love me when i am 70, old, weak, wrinkles allover my face, all money, business and power gone?"
"of course i would. why should i change? i love you for who you are, not what you have. and kareem, to hell wiht money and power. i need only you.
he kissed my cheek lightly and said" darling, you have just answered the question yourself. to hell with beauty and anything superficial. you will always be beautiful to me, no matters what. those eyes will always shine for me. this heart will always held mine. this smile will always warm my soul. that doesnt change ya mariam."

i rested my head back on his shoulder and held him tight to me. we remained silent afterwards. then went to sleep shortly after.
God, i needed those few moments.
there was something filling my heart. a calmness and reassurance i needed. for no particular reason. maybe i just needed a kind word.
and he is always there for me to give love, warmth, reassurance and tenderness.
Kareem, how much i love you !

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Kareem's birhtday

Today is Kareem's birthday.
he is 43, looks far younger with his smiling, vivid eyes and incredibly young spirit.
maybe that is why i love him so much? i dont know. i dont remember how my life looked like before loving him.
I got him a watch of his favourite brand, simply wraped in it's case. red box having only the trade mark on it.
I will go to his office at 2 to give it to him. Already asked his secretary about his schedule. he has 15 minutes before next meeting starts. I would surprise him in those 15 minutes. wont wait until he comes home.

I arrived there 10 minutes early just to have time to check on my looks at the ladies' room, then marched into his office. winking at his secretary, i knocked the door.
come in, dalia.
i walked in and wihtout looking up from his laptop, he stretched his hand to me, thinking i was his secretary brining documents for the next meeting.
My face lit with a bright smile, while i was walking to him. stood infornt of the desk when he looked up.
Mariam???, hey, love. that's a pleasant surprise.
he stood up, came around the desk, gave me a quick kiss. what's up? where you in the neighbourhood?
No. i said. i came to give you this. and held the while bag up.
white simple bag, holding the shop's name "Time Trade". says nothing to him.
it's your birhtday's gift. i wanted to surprise you. maybe you'd even wear it for the next meeting.
he looked bluffed somehow. looked at the box inside the bag, and still cant figure out what it is.
i felt a childish happiness.:)))))
he got the box out and immediately recognized the trade mark graved on the red box.
looking at me with his big boyish eyes, surprised and not daring to believe.
"yes. please open it and see if you like it first. then we can talk"
"this is too much. this is too expensive. this is too precious."
"you are more precious to me"
this was all i could say. i wanted so much to tell him how much i love him, how much i appreciate his mare existence, what he means to me. but i kept silent and my eyes said it all.

he opened the box, looked at the watch. took it out and held it in his hands.
"it looks lovely" he said.
"we can change it. i chose another one at the shop and put it on hold. i know you have a meeting in 5 minutes. if you wish to see the other one, i'd stop at the shop and ask them to hold it longer for you till you check it and then choose."
he came closer, kissed and said "we are leaving right now. come"
"hey, your meeting."
"can wait"
we walked out of the office, he talked to dalia for a second then we left.
"leave your car here. the driver can get it home. come with me" i said. i know he is too tired to drive.
i drove to the shop, he checked the other watch, but decided he liked the one i chose better.
"come, let's have lunch. i am hungry" he said. there was a hotel nearby, we went there and checked the restaurant. it's one of his favourties.

the restaurant was nearly empty. we chose a table next to the window, placed the orders and just sat there.
he wasnt talking. i knew he wanted to say something. he was looking at me, so intensily.
we kept a light talk about business, the postponed meeting he was happy to escape, the kids.
food arrived. his favoourite pasta and my sea-food pizza.
i wasnt really hungry. i was very happy. I wanted today to be a happy day for him. i wanted it to be a special one. IT IS SPECIAL TO ME.
simple happiness filling my heart because he liked my gift. becasue i love him. because we were having lunch together, forgetting the whole world. just being wiht him makes me happy. i kept looking at him while we talked and my mind drifted away. i was thinking, oh God, how could i possibly love soemone that much. we share our lives, we have a home, kids and a stable life. wonderful in every meaning of the word.
but he is not my husband. not in the traditional meaning of the word.
he is the man i love. so much. to the extend that it hurts not to hold him. wish i could hold him right now.
none would have objected.

as we were leaving, i was walking next to him and we were having light conversation. deep down i was aware of all people around us. i wanted them all to know how much i love this man. I wanted them to see how much i was happy. i was smiling, my eyes shone with all the happiness and excitement i feel. i was listening to him and smiling. i said nothing. but my eyes said it all.
they simply said it out love: God, how deep i love you. in every single meaning of this word. for the rest of my life.
i drove back home. we were talking, still light things. nothing serious.
the kids were about to sleep, we kissed them good night and went to the living room.

he sat at the couch as i came in with the cake. chocolate cake. small one with only one candle to blow.
i smiled. " it's only you and me this year. i didnt invite anyone. your parents will come for lunch tomorrow"
he came closer to the table, leaned and blow the candle.
i took a photo of him. he looked up at me and smiled. i took another photo. and a third one.
i cant resist not capturing those moments of our lives. so i went on taking pictures.i love taking pictures of him. if it was up to me, i wouldnt have stopped taking pictures of him. i often take photos of him without him noticing. while he works at  home, sleeps, talks on the phone, plays iwht the kids.
i even have some of him while he was shaving.
when he notices me, he keeps laughing and says i should work as a photographer to get this need fulfilled.

he cut the cake and handed me over a slid, cut a slide for himself, then sat next to me on the couch.
we silently ate it.
Kareem turned to me, taking me in his arms, kissing my cheeks and said " thank you sweetheart. this was just wonderful. everything. the surprise, the watch, the lunch, the cake, this hug. you are too good to be true.
I am lucky to have you."
I held him very tight, kissed his cheek and just said " you don't know how much i love you. it is beyond explaining. beyond words to express. you are all i have and all i ever wanted."
and i meant it. he is all i have and all i ever wanted.
Kareem, the love of my life.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

just for today

Just for today, smile at someone you are not really fond of.
just for today, smile at a stranger
just for today, smile at a needy person while giving him money or food or whatever.
just for today, don't hurt anyone around you - no matters how "low" they are.
just for today, send someone a virtual flower.
just for today, make someone really really happy
just for today, give others some warmth
just for today, share someone else's pain
just for today, be friendly and gentle when talking to those arround you.
just for today, ask your subordinates to do their work in a kind way.
just for today, think of those who you haven't called in a while and check on them.
just for today, say "thank you" with a warm and sincere smile to the doorman who cleans your car.

just for today, BE HUMAN.

Friday, July 16, 2010

When you love someone

When you have very special feelings for someone

tell them they are missed.
call and check on them
go visit
send flowers
write them an email
send an ecard
buy them a small gift
invite them over lunch/dinner/coffee or even a bottle of water
drive to their home just to "see" it
get them your favourite chocolate and tell them you wished they'd taste it.
download their favourite music, put it on CD and give to them
pop up unexpectedly at their office to say "Hi, i just wanted to check on you" in 2 minutes.
drive them home, to save them the hassle
send them a funny email, jokes, touching story or some caring words "just to stay in touch"
give a hand at hard times at work -if you can- to take off some load off their shoulder.
be the warmth they long to at a cold winter day
be the smile they look for when life is dark
be the gentle hand to tab on their shoulder, when life slaps them on their face
be the heart, feeling their pain-hidden behind the mask they wear
be the caring hand to gently touch their cheeks telling "everything will be allright again"
be the secure, tight hug, when they are lost.
be the loving partner/friend/sister/brother/mother/father - depends on what they need right now.
be the loving eye, seeing the whole picture, yet reflecting only the beauty in them.
be the gentle understanding of all their imperfections, faults, and mistakes,
be the reassuring tender smile, telling them  how much you love it all
get them an extremely expensive gift, to tell them what words couldnt express

When there is nothing more to do, just pack your things and ......

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

One fine day :)

i borrow this title from Zou. she used it at one of her posts.
It was last Saturday, I had agreed with Rawani, Zou, Ibraheem, Radwa and Hanan to meet for late lunch in a restaurant in Heliopolis.
none of us mentioned any special occasions, and i literally asked Rawani not to mention to them what this day was.
we met 3adi, got to the restaurant, started talking and ordering food. Zou, Radwa, Ibraheem and myself.
Then Rawani joined after some time and at last came Hanan for the first time to meet us, after coming home from Jeddah :)

As I was sitting my back to the entrance, i didnt see what was happening behind my back.
Rawani and Zou started the surprise, while Ibraheem, Radwa and Hanan were VERY calm !!!
I found the girls kissing me and wishing me Happy Birthday, saying they didnt forget!
it was all planned from the beginning. starting from picking up the day, pretending they dont know, and leave it till last second- to be a REAL surprise for me.

I was showered with gifts:
- Books from Rouni (who spent a week ya 7aram trying to make me tell what kind of books i like)
- Book and Headscarfs from Zou and Ibraheem (i know Zou chose the colours. sa7 ya ibraheem :)))))?
- key holder from Radwa (roody, i am using it together with my old one. it looks soooo nice and completely different from what i would have choosen :))
- Perfume and Zamzam water from Hanan ( Neisy, when you asked me what i need from Jeddah, i wished i could tell you to get me Zamzam water. but i didnt want to push you:)))
then followed by 2 songs: happy Birthday and yalla &alan Balan 7ayw abou el fasad. :)))).

I had a mixture of feelings at this point, yet i guess i was good enough at hiding them.
i was very happy for the quality time i am spending with them
i was very grateful for the care they showered me. I needed it badly on this day.
i was surprised of the incredibly warm arrangements of eveything and how i didnt doubt it for a second that any of them remembers my birthday- which made me go completely speechless.
i felt LOVED.

Thank you, dearest Rawani, for being my friend. the ugly experience we went through together, turned out to a beautiful and rare friendship :)
your beautiful mind, soul and smile, made it very hard for me not to wish you'd be a lifetime friend. and el7amdollah that everyday that passes gets us closer and we both enjoy it.

Thank you Zou ya 7abibty. my first impression of the charming,warm and smooth way of welcoming a person in your life - has never changed. i still see you as i wrote in my post for your birthday. you have an incredible way of making me feel welcomed in your life and circle.your warm welcoming hug in your wrods-even over phone. And I can't resist hugging you every time i see you.leih teftekry?????
i cant imagine you could be sherrirah when giving lectures :)))))

Thank you ya Ibraheem. like you- i have so much to say to you bardo, but for an unknown reason i go speechless. but i know that you know what i want to say.
looks like the 2nd half of 2010 would bring some joys and the sad days are just behind us :)
i will only tell you one thing: you are one fine person and testahel kol kheir :)

Thank you ya Neisy, ya 7abibty. if i ever have a daughter, i would love her to be just like you. with all your crazyness, fun and life loving spirit, openness, clear and straight forward way and your very pure way of "feeling" people and differentiating the good from the bad.I might want to kill her bardo when she gets home late, but i would be happy to see her enjoying her young life to the maximum :)

Thank you ya Roody for joining the group. you have the spirit of an artist, which i enjoy in your writings and loved when  i saw your graduation project. dont care about the 0 comments on your blog. we all expereince this and one day you will be showered by comments. but dont stop writing for you have talent and i really really enjoy reading what you write.

Guys, you have been there for me at one of the most difficult times of my life- few months ago- and here you are again proofing to me the fine quality of persons you are.
thank you for caring to know when is my birhtday,
thank you for marking your calenders or just remembering it
thank you for the troubles you have gone through preparing all this
thank you for your support and warmth, which helped me to overcome the bitterness and sadness i felt on that day.
thank you for being my friends. you are a blessing i so much needed, which i would never trade for anything inn this world.

Allahoma lak el7amd 3ala ne3amak

Tuesday, 13th July - reliving the joy of Saturday 10th of July 2010.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Today with Joe

Having Joe spending today with me gives the day a very special taste.
the world was different before he came
he made such a difference in my life, in those few days he spent with me.
when he grows up he won't remember - of course- anything about today, and I won't mention it,
But I am documenting it here, whenever he wants, I would let him read this.
Joe, you made today the most beautiful day i have ever had.
you were sleeping as the day begun, I came closer and gave you a  light kiss at your cheek.
This is all what i needed to do to enjoy today, and see it in a different light.
Thank you sweetheart for being such a lovely baby.
Please know that your auntie loves you so much, even if she never tells you this in words.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Don't let these moments slip away

My dear friend Barry just posted something lovely as always.
please check this link.
I promise you a quality time of reading :)
Barry, you are a treasure :)


sometimes i feel lonely
sometimes i feel a sadness inside my heart
sometimes i feel anger from those around me
sometimes i feel happiness deep inside me
sometimes i feel gratitude for what i don't have and for what i have - it is all meant to be anyway.
sometimes i feel cheerful
sometimes i feel calm inside
sometimes i feel love is springing from my heart
sometimes i feel that my heart is full of love for any creature on this earth
sometimes i feel injustice is killing me
sometimes i feel that some sort of negative feelings are suppressing any sort of life inside me
sometimes i feel like screaming
sometimes i feel like crying
sometimes i feel free like a bird in God's open free sky
sometimes i feel trapped
sometimes i feel prisoned in my own dreams
sometimes i feel scared
sometimes i feel very confident of myself
sometimes i feel homeless
sometimes i feel "family-less"
sometimes i feel "friends-less"
sometimes i feel lost

What i never ever felt is hate towards anything or anyone.
elhamdollah for this

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Adham's birth

Adham and Mariam are playing with Roy- our dog- just few meters away from me. i was watching them, and somehow my mind drifted away to the day when Adham was born.
It was early morning on a Thursday, when Kareem drove me to the hospital. he stayed at my side the whole time, till our son was born. holding my hand, soothing my anxiety and sharing my pain and happiness.
the first moment our son had in this world was in my arms, with his father holding both of us.
I had a mixture of feelings: happy, secure, scared, tired, satisfied, but above all deep gratitude for what Allah has just granted me. A loving husband and a healthy child. this is all what i ever wished for.
what could a woman possibly want more?

We agreed on naming him Adham. both of us love the name.

Kareem stayed with me until i was released from the hospital, never leaving my side. somehow he felt how much i needed him. in a new and more intensive way, i needed his support.
i was scared to do any mistakes and harm our child. his smile and helping hand were there to ensure me it is ok and everything will be fine.

our first night at home with Adham he kept hugging me almost the whole time. as if he felt that he was our shelter.
the moments i held Adham in my arms were incredible- but the moments Kareem held me were just indescribable feeling.
Home was in his arms. warmth was his touch and safety was his heartbeat when i leaned against him.

I still remember how i felt right before falling asleep on that night: deep, solid and never ending love for my husband.

"Mummy, have you seen that?" my little champ came running to me, smiling and excited about something that just happened.
i didn't want to disappoint him by saying that i was miles away. i just held and kissed him.

Ya Allah, how can i ever thank you enough for what you gave me :)

kids - 2

hug your child. it is the most valuable gift you could ever give to it.
your hug make it feel secure, loved and cared for.
this is all what it needs to grow up in a healthy way.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Award time

My dear friend, living accross the globe Barry from "Life in Quotations" gave me the "Super Comments Award".

Since i came across his blog by accident, i found myself attracted to his writings. they are simply "simple". by being personal writings saying very much about what he thinks or feels. for many it might not be somehting fancy or big- but for me his writings have always touched me, because they come from his heart and went directly to mine.
Barry, thank you so much for the award. you know how much your friendship means to me, how much i appreciate the way you listen to me, and the way your support at one of the darkest moments of my life made me feel "human" again.
thank you for being my friend :)))))

Here are the rules:
•Thank the person who nominated you.
•Post the award in your blog.
•Link to the person who gave it to you.
•Answer 10 questions that come with the award.
•Nominate of few of your favorite bloggers.

Here goes:
1. Why do you blog?
I am used to writing my thoughts and feelings on word document and save them on the MSN skydrive. never thought of sharing them.
then Ze2red came with the idea that i should blog. i instantly refused. i have nothing to say. what i write is pure personal and wouldn't interest anyone to read.
one day I was calling my teacher and found him ill. he talked about death and that it might be time for him to leave here and rest elsewhere. we kept talking and me teasing him and we laughing as usual.
when i hang up, i realized that i had soemthing to say to the whole world. it is very personal, but i wanted the whole world to read it. i want to tell the whole world about this man.
i started to write and kept the document as usual, TILL I CREATE A BLOG.
all i had in mind was him. the blog's name referred to him, the aim was his request and the first post went to him.
when everything was ready, i called him, explained the idea and read the first post to him.
he was extremely happy, and i felt like flying at the 7th sky for making him happy like that.
he asked me to keep writing and keep the aim of the blog "keep the kindness, Hebba"

2. What are your 3 best memories?

- my very first working day. i felt that my independence is complete.
- when I saw Bernd again in 2004, after 17 years of his leaving Egypt. Back then i was happy to see him again, spend some time as a grown up woman, knowing that i might not see him ever again.
- my school days starting from grade 9. every moment passed during those 3 years has a very special meaning for me. even hard days of exams, bad days of results. even the cruel days of 12th grade. i hold those memories very close to my heart :)
3. If you had to change your real name what would you change it to?

I love this name. no specific reason. i just love it
4. What are five things you can't live without?


5. What are the 4 best books you've ever read?
- Tueasdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
- The Promise (Danielle Steel)
- Nizar Qabbany's poems
- Literature written after the 2nd World war
- "Nachts schlafen die Ratten doch" a short story for Wolfgang Borchert

6. Tell me something unique and interesting about yourself.

I love to dance. never practiced. but would love to learn different dances one day.

7. What do you love best about yourself?

my soft heart. All i know is i dont want it to harden, that's why i am trying to keep it safe from getting hurt.
8. What is the best movie ever made?

For me they are 2, which i can't live without- and cant resist watching, whenever possible:
- The Promise
- You've got mail
9. If you had a "Freaky Friday" experience who would you trade places with and why?

A mother of 6 children.
I adore kids, always wished to have 12 kids- or even more.
10. What's the best part about being a woman?

This is what I am trying to find out till now :))))

 I'm giving this 'Super Comments Award'
- Ibhog
- Rawanies
- Ze2red
- Neisy ( i know Barry already awarded you :))
- Cindy


You- as parent- are the first and most important mirror your child would get to see itself in.
Please reflect only the positives, and treat the negatives wisely.
your child needs your support to grow up and gain self confidence. if it is missing, your child would never get over this lack.
no matters at which age, our parents are the most important supporter and admirer we would ever have. their appreciation of who we are, and what we are trying to achieve is the most important goal we would have in life.
their love and admiration are the most important success factor we would ever want to see.

Please be careful of what you reflect to your child.
it is your opinion which really matters- all the time, till the end.

Friday, June 25, 2010


Kareem is up to something. i can see it in his eyes.
they dont shine and smile this way, unless he is up to something.
when he left about 2 hours ago, he was in hurry and wouldnt say where he is going. it's friday. he rarely goes out alone on a friday. it's our day.

just finished lunch, changed and looking out: here he drives in.
i go meet him, like i used to do when he comes home.

"close your eyes and ears"
"eyes, ok. but ears? why?"
"just do it"
i did. closed my eyes and plugged my fingers into my ears.
after about 2 minutes i feel him coming closer to me, kissing my cheek and taking away my fingers from my ears. i automatically open my eyes.

its music. unfamiliar to me. then Kazem starts singing.
hey, this is the new album?
"yes, love"
" didnt know it is released. thought it would be after 2 weeks."
"this is a special edition for you,sweetheart."
he held me, kissing my cheek " it is good to have connections, you know. i know the producer. he promised it a while ago.this morning he called and said i could pick it up. so here you go. enjoy, love"

I held him back, very tight.
"it is good to have a loving connections needed here"

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I love… (Tagged)

Another game and i’m tagged in. yessssssssssss two tags in one month :))).
That’s a fun i started to love.
Here Ze2red tagged me to list down ten things I love and then tag another 10 people. So here we go:

I love …

1. My teacher, Bernhard Schmidt.i can't get enough of talking wiht him, teasing him, disussing God and the world with him, singing old songs, listening to his adventures and music, to his old stories.
I am grateful to have him.

2. Sea, beach, waves (moderate height tab3an), the smell of it, the tender touch of sand, the playful way waves caress my feet when i walk.

3. Chocolate. I can't have enough of its bitter-sweet taste, melting in my mouth very slowly.

4. Having/making friends.i am a people person. i miss having my friends around me, talking to them, communicating with them, seeing them if possible. my friends are very dear to me, i choose them very carefully. and those who i call "friends" stand in the closest circle to me, and really know me very well.

5. Music. i love different singers, kinds of music, enjoy it in different languages. if someone checks the list of songs i have on my mobile to listen to whereever i am, none will be able to define my taste. simply, because i love any song which captures my heart. could be because of the singer, lyrics, music, anything.

6. reading. i love to read. love to gain knowledge in general, hate to read in politics but try to be updated. but novels and poems capture my heart. they are my real passion in reading. with any of the languages i understand. they just take me away from my present and transform me into the world where they tell. i am part of this world and remain there until i am trough with reading the book/poem.
reading activates my imagination. it gives me the chance to draw the scenes in my mind, watch it happen, imagine how ppl look like, how places are, etc. Magic!

7. movies. I love movies, old or new, with any language i can understand. i watch movies as if they are real, react to each scene, cry/smile according to happenings, enjoy happy ends, hate it when the hero dies, hate horor and action movies. they increase my heartbeat until it really hurts.

8. photographing. i love takeing photos of my family, friends, scenes, surroundings, anything that captures my eye and i develop a liking for it. it could be a simple scene on the street, but i just love it. that's why my first criteria in choosing my mobile set was the camera resolution. mobiles with good cameras are more handy than moving around wiht a camera in my pocket.

9. Kids. i love kids.just adore being around them.touching them, dealing wiht them, talking if possible, hugging if the child is family or friend, playing iwht them, and often often just spoiling them. spoiling in the sense of teasing them wiht some funny gestures, but i dont spoil them with bad behaviour. i love telling them stories, singing with them, feeding them. just being around. they purify my world.

10. dogs (big german shephered). "wish to have a dog" is my phone name, my nick name over msn, often my status over FB. dogs are loyal, funny, warm and tender creatures. they develop a deep love and acceptance of their friends. they make me feel loved, cared for, protected, warm and accepted. i love to hug a dog. i feel that when it rubs its face at my shoulder it hugs me back-giving a warmth i can not compare to anything else.

time to tag 10 friens. i dont have 10 friends, guess most of them Zou has already tagged.

- Rawanie
- Neisy
- Ibhog
- Barry ( i know he is extremely busy :(

Monday, June 14, 2010


Dreaming of a better tomorrow, when I feel trapped in my today.
Dreaming of love, when I miss it in my life.
Dreaming of kindness, when others are cruel and mean to me.
Dreaming of sun's warmth and shine, when I am buried in cold and ugly surroundings.
Dreaming of laughter, when my tears silently roll down my cheeks every night.
Dreaming of happiness, when i can't remember last time i felt content.
Dreaming of flowers, while going through my deserted path in life.
Dreaming of life, when people around me see me as a dead person.
Dreaming of honesty, when my ears are showered with lies.
Dreaming of hope, when i feel just "hopeless"
Dreaming of success, when someone tells me how a mess I am.
Dreaming of a life as a human being, when someone treats me as a rock.

I will never stop dreaming.

It is the only weapon that none can take away from me
It is the only way for not to be beaten.
My dreams keep me alive.Those who don't dream, are the dead ones :)

I dream of the day, when...... (by Abdel Halim Hafez)

I dream, and dream and dream
hopefully my dreams would come true
hopefully they will become true in every single minute
I dream of the day when everyone would talk only in a kind way
I dream of the day when none gets ever hurt
I dream of the day when everyone's life path is only filled by everlasting happiness
I dream of the day when future brings only happiness and joy to all humans
I dream of the day when I see it with my own eyes how life pays back those who were badly hurt
I dream of the day when I see lost, lonly hearts have finally found their happiness
I dream of the day when I see everyone found a home for his heart.
I dream of the day when I see those whose hopes were shattered, finally find back their smiles
I dream of the day when I see this whole world is enlightend by happiness shine
I dream of the day when I see an everlasting, shining fullmoon.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Fun day :)

its the kids Fun day at school today. a friday as usual.
Kareem usually keeps an eye over his laptop for urgent business matters, yet stays home for the weekend. today this will be hard to keep, if he would join the kids in their activities :)))

pushing the door open, both of them run to their sleeping father waking him up with squizes, kisses, hugs and evn holding his nose (Mariam's favourite gesture)
daddy, its funday. wake up.
a pair of sleepy eyes opened and looking at me: isn't it still early?
no. you have to get up :)

Driving to their school, they were thrilled. singing, teasing eachother, teasing their daddy and just chatting.the atmosphere was fun. a good start of the day so far.
Kareem was whistling melody of our favourtie song, and i found myself just wanting to sing. i sang the words to the melody he is whisteling.he looked at me and send me a kiss in the air :)

the whole school is decorated with colored paper and flowers. many stands offering different entertainment thigs for the kids: face painting, card games, vidoe games, snacks, ice cream, juices, funny accessories for girls, etc.

each class has prepared a small show to present infront of parents and teachers throughout the day.
Adham's class is no. 5 in row. they prepared a short play. he is so secretive about it. refused to tell me what it is about. only asked to borrow a tie from his father. Kareem gave him his favourite blue silk one. i was surprised of his choice.
Mariam's class prepared a song for Sayed Darwish "el 7elwa dih".she ran to her join her class at behind the stage to get prepared.
on time, the teacher announced the song, the curtain opens showing the girls & boys standing in 2 rows.
music started and they started to sing.they sang first part all together, then music. then to my surprise Mariam stepped ahead of her row to sing the second part-just few words- solo.
Kareem and myself were suprised to hear our little girl singing alone, and watching her standing bravely on her own, head lifted up and sooo confident of herself.
she has her daddy's character, i whisper to Kareem. he leaned towards me whispering back "and her momy's charm" holding my hand and slightly squizeeing it.
as they finished, me and Kareem rushed to her. she came running into her daddy's arms into a big hug. I joined in the hug, we both kissed her.
"sweety, that was lovely" he said kissing her.
"i am good daddy? thank you. i kept practicing because i wanted you to see me good"
Go on, change your cloths and lets have some fun, i said. she ran off.

Adham was playing football with his friends. we waved to him that we are going to the face painting booth. Kareem chose to pain a lion face, Mariam chose a butterfly, i chose a bird's face.
nose is yellow,rst of my face is blue, green and yellow. Momy, you look funny-said Mariam.
it is funday sweetheart :)))
we moved to another booth, Adham joining. he and Kareem played some shooting. Kareem won a soft teddy.good shooter :)
we checked some other booths, the kids got some snacks and juices, till it was time for Adham to join his class for preparation.

He disappeared behind the stage and once more we were seated waiting for our son and his role :)
the class imitated a school day. stage is prepared to look like a classroom, kids are seated and waiting for the teacher to start. Adham came in standing infront of them playing the teacher's role. from his words, the kids should guess which one of their teachers is he doing after.
now, that is crazy AND funny.
i looked to Kareem and found him with a bright smile.what is it?
"this was my favourite game at school. mimicking teachers and my colleagues guessing who it is. it was my idea, you know, when he asked me"
ohhhhhhhh - was all i could say :)
Adham is a good actor. his colleagues had fun guessing and asking questions- while he kept the serious face of the teacher.

after the play, handing over the tie to his father, he asked "daddy, was i like you"
"absolutely, champ" looking at them, junior one was glooming from happiness, senior one was proud of his junior "picture"
"why can't i get enough from loving you?" i whispered to Kareem while we are moving.
"maybe because i still have so much to give you, 7abibty"

we checked some more boothes till it was time to leave.
on the way back Mariam sang again, while Adham kept interrupting her with his stories.
kareem and myself were quiet. listening to them and just enjoying their laughter.

they are finally in bed, still too excited to sleep, but they will in a while. i kissed them good night and went to check on Kareem.
he is sitting in the living room watching the video we made today, and silently smiling to himself.
just looking at him and at the screen showing our kids made my heart heavy with love and happiness. I am blessed with a wonderful husband and my kids with the best dad.

El7amdollah 3ala ne3metak ya rab :)

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


Stop lieing
Stop pretending
stop the false behaviour
stop showing false feelings
I don't believe any of it anymore
so don't bother.
It's not worth it anymore

Long term planning

"Long term planning" was a lifestyle i learned and adopted at a very young age, for not to let my life just pass, and I was convinced that this is the correct thing to do.who could possibly control your life better than you, who should direct it to the path you want to go through.
For years i planned my steps, often i succeeded in keeping my plans, sometimes things got out of my hand for some reason.

when some of my plans just shattered, and for no reason i lost my battle, I began to think about it and view things in a different light.
at the end i realized, that it is not ONLY my planning and my mind are in control of my life. not even my emotions and wishes.
There is someone, who is controlling my life,plans and steps, whose hand is even more powerful than mine, and who knows just better than me.
it is Allah, who guides me through life. not my planning, mind, experience, learning.
it is only him.
and to him i handover my plans, and accept what he gives me.
This doesn't mean that I am giving up on my plans, hopes and wishes.
I will keep on trying to make them come true,
i will go on working on making them come true,
and doing my best effort.
But if they don't come true, then I am thinking that it is just not meant to be.
And move on to next dream :))))))

...... Pictures, Images and Photos

Monday, June 7, 2010

The Art of Living

when i read this story in Friday's weekly newspaper "Al Ahram" i had mixed feelings: happy for them, enjoying what i read, wondering if there is still someone like that & this is not a fairy tale and wishing to experience the same happiness, by getting to learn "the art of living".

it is a young woman telling her life story, as she got married through the traditional way to someone, which appeared suitable for her.
there is no love story behind their marriage-as she said- giving no expectations of any extra happiness. it would be just a normal life, with all its daily routines as many people around.

Yet, as she started her life with her husband, he surprised her with his gentleness, tenderness and his life-loving-spirit, and his enjoying of small, simple things- which life offers all of us- and made her see everything in a different, joyful light.
He surprised her with small things she used to love, but never told him about. he was asking her friends and family about what she likes, and held the info until he could surprise her with them :)

As she was pregnant with their first child, he used to lock himself up to do something secretly, which she didn't understand at the beginning. it was just unlike him.
he never worked at home- home is for family and fun and life only.
yet during these days he seemed to be busy with something. she kept on checking on him until she found out:
he is reading a book which explains what a woman goes through during pregnancy, so that he understands and support her in a better way!!!!!

additionally, he has a great sense of humor, which he uses to simplify life's complications and make them bearable. often- she says- middle in a discussion i find myself laughing about his jokes and forget the problem we were discussing.
his simple and comfortable soul made their life easier than it could be with all difficult situations they faced, and made her feel safe and secure.

when they were facing financial troubles, he never made a great deal of it, but tried to easy things for them, and made her and their son enjoy their moments with the simplest things. when they can't afford a day out, he made his son some funny looking sandwiches to cheer him up.
at the times they could afford an outing, their son preferred to stay home and enjoy dad's nicely-looking sandwiches :).
their son inherited the sense of loving life and is as easy going as his father.

She said that as they got engaged he was just a suitable candidate, who could make her happy. but as days passed and she got to know him, all she could think of everyday is how to make this man happy, how to give him back part of his love and care. and not only him, but she got "infected" with his life-loving soul and continuously trying to make others happy, with whatever simple things she has in her hand. he has taught her how to enjoy life with simple things, and add joy to every day's tasks. he taught her the art of living.
What really touched me in this story are mainly 2 things:
- the husband's love and care for his wife, cherishing her, wanting to make her happy- even if he doesnt have a fortune. he just gave what he have: love and care- shown in simple actions.
- the wife's appreciation of her husband care and love, not taking it for granted, enjoying his simple loving gestures and supporting him by adopting his way in enjoying simple life.
how many times have we wasted diamonds, just because we were too busy collecting stones.
this is what the lesson this couple is giving us :)))))
The editor's comment was touching as well. wishing them a long life full of happiness and love, encouraging her to keep on the positive thinking and life-loving spirit- as well as admitting that her husband must be a very special and rare person.

May Allah bless her small family with love, happiness and the 'Art of living'.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

A very special occasion :)

Kareem won't be home for dinner, it's just me and the kids. he is working late again.

I decided to ware the blue dress Kareem insisted to get me few weeks ago. I liked it very much, but knew i couldn't possibly wear it with this deep cut at the back and front.but he insisted on getting it. :)

I hear him driving in, so I hurried to the door and opened it just as he was about to put the key in.
"hey, you look lovely. i thought you forgot the dress."
" was just waiting for a special occasion to wear it, love. welcome home." i hold him tight just like i do every day.

I prepared some light sandwiches for him, knowing he will not eat warm food that late at night. cheese & salami mini sandwiches and frozen yogurt with fruits for dessert.

While eating, he seemed to be preoccupied. then he looked at me and said:
"Mariam, I am sorry. i don't remember what is the occasion we are celebrating tonight. its not our anniversary, nor any one's birthday. I am sorry, just things at office have been very hard lately. hm, would you tell me what we are celebrating tonight?"

" a very special occasion to me: you're coming home after almost 18 hours of continuous work. I just missed you at home."

a very long tight hug, saying all what we wished to say.
How much I love and cherish him, how much he appreciates and loves me.

A very special occasion :)

Friday, June 4, 2010

1st game at my Blog :))))))

This is my first time to play blog's games and i am excited about it. it looks like fun and it is something new to me, so why not try it and enjoy even if i am revieling things about me :)

here it goes

1. Name who asked you to play this game.


2. Mention six secrets nobody can uncover about you when meeting you for the first time.

1. I get easily hurt, but I never show it in public- especially to the one who hurt me. it's a kind of protecting myself and NOT giving him/her the satisfaction of having hurt me.

2. I love having fun and laughing. but when i meet people for the first time, i try not to show that, for sometimes people think i am haifah and judge me for i play the "3a2lah" rule until they find out themselves.

3. I am usually an easygoing person with almost everyone, yet i tend to be very hard on those who interfere in my personal life and won't take a polite answer.

4. I am a shy person by nature, but most of the times i give the impression that i am very self confident and careless person- for not to get attacked.

5. I love chocolate :)))))

6. I love Nizar Qabbany, but usually dont mention in public, because of his "unusual" language.
but i adore his straight-forward, honest and open way. and hate liars, no matters how good they appear.

7. I love slow dancing. never practiced, but hoping i'd get the chance to practice :)))))

Now i should tagg 6 people in this game. As i dont have six people aslan, I will re-tag some of you again. i know they will hate me:

- Rawanie :)
- Neisy
- Cindy
- Barry (hope he has time for it next weekend)
- Ibraheem
- Marwa

Hope you'd have time to play this game with us. enjoy some fun away from the stressful life we all lead :)

Thursday, June 3, 2010

cakes for breakfast

I stood up earlier than usual, having some fun in mind: I would bake a cake for breakfast.
"Love, would you share the morning fun, or you'd rather sleep for 30 more minutes?"
he opened one eye asking what i have in mind  "baking cakes for breakfast"
"it's only me who is helping out?" i nicked. he jumped off bed, kissed my cheek and while going to bathroom he said "give me 10 minutes, and i will join you".
Good. fun is about to start :)

"what are we baking?"
"chocolate, Cinnamon and orange cakes"
"i love you for that" he said, kissing my cheek again.
"get to work ya doctor" i smilingly pushed him away from me towards the table, handing him the mixer.

I hear him behind my back mixing the eggs, sugar and butter, while was putting flour with cocoa, flour with Cinnamon and flour with orange skin pieces and juice- each in a different pot to mix later on with the fluid Kareem is preparing.
I was testing the texture of cocoa and flour, when he put his arms around my waist talking to me from behind "finished madame. what shall i do next?"
i turned around to tell him to get the pot over here, when i realized that he had tasted it. he had a fine yellow line just above his upper lip. I touched it, forgetting that i already had flour and cocoa at my fingers.
that was funny, they all mixed at his upper lip and I was already laughing and telling him he has a chocolate cake ingredients at his upper lip.
"oh, this is unfair. I don't possibly want to keep it all." with a simple move, he took some of the mixture from his lip and put a point at my nose top.
"Heey, don't do that" i tried to pull my face far from him, when he was already hugging me and laughing out loud.
"stop laughing. you have some yourself. I am no wonder" 
he stopped laughing and smilingly kissed it off my nose.

I was mixing the ingredients, when Kareem was standing right behind me, reaching out for the pots, dipping his finger in each one and tasting it.
"don't do that. this is unhealthy. eggs are raw in there"
no answer, of course. Adham inherited this from him. whenever he catches me in kitchen, he must taste anything i do, no matters what it is.
"that tastes good. but here you should put in more Cinnamon, this is not as strong as usual. check it keda."
he pushed his finger with a lump of raw cake in my mouth to taste it. true. it needs some more Cinnamon powder, I say."see, if it wasn't for my tasting it, you would have never realized" he teased me.

cakes are in oven to bake, I am making the dishes, while Kareem dries them.he enjoys such simple doings, as if it takes aways the load of mental work he usually does at office. I enjoy having him around. I love spending time with him, doing anything. dishes, reading, talking, nonsense, just anything. and I miss him when he is at office.

Adham and Mariam came running into the kitchen, hugging and kissing us good morning.
Adham climbed at his back as usual, while Mariam hang at his neck. he sat on the kitchen floor talking and laughing with them. when i came to his rescue, he pulled me down to them, holding us all into a family hug.
"cakes are ready. we can move to the dining room" I urged the 3 of them to stand up.
6 pairs of eyes looked up at me, of them 2 daring eyes smiling at me, he said with the same childish smile as Adham "Can't we eat here? just as we sit there? Please?"
I can't resist his smile, his young spirit nor his loving eyes when they look at me like that.
"of course, love. why not. who cares about dishes."
we sat on the kitchen flour, me with a small knife cutting the cakes, giving each one of them slice of his favourite. they were neat enough to held a small tissue in their hand to keep parts from falling on the floor.

"Thank you, sweetheart" i received a kiss from my husband. "for the fun, time we spent alone, the unusual breakfast on the kitchen floor. and for your Love".
" you are more than welcome ya doctor. have i told you lately that i adore you?"
"no. you have 3 minutes to tell me and to kiss me goodbye before i run to office".
"I adore you. " I hold him very tight and kissed him :)

A tall soul in God's garden

I came across this story as I was surfing the internet tonight. it touched me and I thought of sharing.
Author Unknown

Our house was directly across the street from the clinic entrance of Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. We lived downstairs and rented the upstairs rooms to out patients at the clinic.

One summer evening as I was fixing supper, there was a knock at the door. I opened it to see a truly awful looking man. "Why, he's hardly taller than my eight-year-old," I thought as I stared at the stooped, shriveled body. But the appalling thing was his face, lopsided from swelling, red and raw.
Yet his voice was pleasant as he said, "Good evening. I've come to see if you've a room for just one night. I came for a treatment this morning from the eastern shore, and there's no bus 'til morning."
He told me he'd been hunting for a room since noon but with no success, no one seemed to have a room. "I guess it's my face... I know it looks terrible, but my doctor says with a few more treatments..."

For a moment I hesitated, but his next words convinced me: "I could sleep in this rocking chair on the porch. My bus leaves early in the morning."
I told him we would find him a bed, but to rest on the porch. I went inside and finished getting supper. When we were ready, I asked the old man if he would join us. "No thank you. I have plenty." And he held up a brown paper bag.

When I had finished the dishes, I went out on the porch to talk with him a few minutes. It didn't take a long time to see that this old man had an oversized heart crowded into that tiny body. He told me he fished for a living to support his daughter, her five children, and her husband, who was hopelessly crippled from a back injury.
He didn't tell it by way of complaint; in fact, every other sentence was preface with a thanks to God for a blessing. He was grateful that no pain accompanied his disease, which was apparently a form of skin cancer. He thanked God for giving him the strength to keep going.
At bedtime, we put a camp cot in the children's room for him.

When I got up in the morning, the bed linens were neatly folded and the little man was out on the porch.
He refused breakfast, but just before he left for his bus, haltingly, as if asking a great favor, he said, Could I please come back and stay the next time I have a treatment? I won't put you out a bit. I can sleep fine in a chair." He paused a moment and then added, "Your children made me feel at home. Grownups are bothered by my face, but children don't seem to mind." I told him he was welcome to come again.

And on his next trip he arrived a little after seven in the morning.
As a gift, he brought a big fish and a quart of the largest oysters I had ever seen. He said he had shucked them that morning before he left so that they'd be nice and fresh. I knew his bus left at 4:00 a.m. and I wondered what time he had to get up in order to do this for us.

In the years he came to stay overnight with us there was never a time that he did not bring us fish or oysters or vegetables from his garden.
Other times we received packages in the mail, always by special delivery; fish and oysters packed in a box of fresh young spinach or kale, every leaf carefully washed. Knowing that he must walk three miles to mail these, and knowing how little money he had made the gifts doubly preciou s.

When I received these little remembrances, I often thought of a comment our next-door neighbor made after he left that first morning.

"Did you keep that awful looking man last night? I turned him away! You can lose roomers by putting up such people!"
Maybe we did lose roomers once or twice. But oh! If only they could have known him, perhaps their illnesses would have been easier to bear.
I know our family always will be grateful to have known him; from him we learned what it was to accept the bad without complaint and the good with gratitude to God.

All this happened long ago - and now, in God's garden, how tall this lovely soul must stand.