Monday, April 26, 2010

No appropriate title

I had a problem finding a title for this post. feel so angry and frustrated and mad at a man, unfortunately someone I know well.
I met his "first" wife at a special occasion few days ago, and by end of our evening together I found myself wishing to see him to tell him exactely what i think of him- nothing positive or good at all.

She is a beautiful, elegant, very well educated lady, at her mid 40s, decending from one of Egypt's best families, has her own inheritence, active member at some NGO's, mother of 3 beautiful and very well raised kids: daughter and 2 sons.

She looked so sad during the whole evening, but was bravely trying to hide it. yet her beautiful eyes showed this deeply rooted sadness.
I approached her talking about different topics, just general issues- when she accidently told me that her husband is staying "at the other house" tonight. its thursday, you know......

for few seconds i wasn't able to say anything, i simply found nothing to say to comfort her.
she looked hurt and sad. very deep.
I thought oh God, her wound didnt heal yet. she is still hurt from his betrayel, when he years ago married his secretary behind her back and kept on decieving her for years....
I guess such wound would never heal.
I wanted to hug her and apologize for being his relative. I literally felt guilty, I dont know why.
maybe because i dont want to be realted to someone as cruel as he is?
or maybe because i can not "punish" him for what he did to her?

Why the hell would he need to secretely marry another woman? what is he missing in his wife? why didnt he tell her before he marries that other woman? why was he a coward to do it behind her back all those years, until it was "fact of life" and she had to accept it in this humiliating way?

I am not discussing the concept of having more than one wife, which is one of solid rules/concepts of Islam, nor am I condemning him for his second marriage.
All I am saying here is THIS way is badly hurting an innocent person- in this case his first wife- who has every right to be fully aware of all arrangements, legally and officially informed of the second marriage and approving in written.
In this case here, the incident was completely different. it was a secret marriage, big sum of money paid to the other woman (!!!), everything taking place in complete darkness for years, until it became a fact of their life, which his wife HAS to accept and deal with.

isnt this process more like a robery or smuggling or illeagal doing?
isnt it unfair towards a woman, who did nothing but trusted her husband enough not to humilate her this way?
isnt it a shaking incident for anyone's life?
Isn't this clear betrayel to someone's trust?
how would I ever trust someone not to hurt me this way, after years of settling down and having a stable family?
I can not forget that sad look in her eyes, and can not find any proper excuse for hurting her this way.
All i can feel here is stab in my back. does anyone deserves to be treated like that?
why? for just being a woman?

Is it a man's right to treat his wife this way, just because he is a man?
this is not Islam, what is it then? traditions? culture? human nature? weakness?
pure male nature?

I dont want to be a woman, I want to be a man.

Some happy moments...

One of my lady-relatives was getting married on Friday. she is divorced since 2 years now.
we-her female relatives- wanted to held a 7ennah party for her, when we told her about the idea, she was very excited as she didnt have one at her "first marriage".

We faced only one problem: what will the bride's mother tell her neighbours about that party? how come her daughter is having this party, while this is her second marraige?

3eib ya welad, maysa7esh keda wallahi.
we were surprised that we don't have the right to celebrate in our own home.
Me personally, refused to acknowledge such an argument, and insisted on going there and keeping all arrangements as they are.
to hell with everyone arround, we are not doing anything worng!!!!

Anyway, we girls agreed on everything, planed catering, the 7ennah lady, gathered some cheerul songs on my laptop, some dancing music, and decided to held that party on Thursday night.
There were about 15 ladies at the bride's home, we got everything ready as planed and we were all so happy about it.
She had such a bright smile, and was practically shining from happiness. It is a new expereince for her afterall.

Why has everyone became so cruel and boring?
Why would neighbours, friends, or even family members has anything against a small celebration, when we are not causing any problems?
Why shouldn't a divorced lady "feel" happy if she is getting married again?
who said a divorced lady is not entitled to celebrate?
Why has everyone arround a word to say in something as private and personal as this?
Why has our world turned to be so cruel?
Why aren't we entitled to enjoy our lives, even very few and rare moments of this dry and cruel life we have now?
Why do we give others the right to kill any happiness in our lives? even if it is small ones?
are we really THAT stupid, or have we turned to be copies of those living arround us, or have we given up on our right to live and be happy - for few moments?

what is wrong with spending some happy moments?

what you choose to plant....

I came across these quotes, while I was going through my diaries of school and college times. I used to write down quotes i read anywhere, because I just love and learn from them.
and after all those years I wish that some day I will see the reward of what I have planted.

"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant."
Robert Louis Stevenson

"Your mind is like a garden. If you plant seeds of love, compassion, truth and integrity, then you reap the rewards. If you choose not to plant anything, then weeds will overrun your garden; the weeds of hate, anger, negative thoughts and actions."
Barry Gottleib


Friday, April 16, 2010

Tears in your eyes blurr your vision

A german song of Julio Iglasias in 1982 has changed my life and my perception of almost everything.
Its not just a song, it became a rule for me to follow in my life. tried to follow everytime i had tears in my eyes.
Sometimes it worked, sometimes failed.
sometimes i was strong enough to dry my tears, sometimes a kind hand of someone dried them away.
sometimes they lasted years, sometimes it was just few days and i am back to my old self again.
sometimes tears blurred my vision and i lost my path, sometimes tears cleared my heart, washed my eyes from dust and made me see clearer.
sometimes i was able to manage on my own, sometimes i needed a shoulder to cry and rest my head on.

bottom line i learned from this song is not to keep tears in my eyes for long. whenever there is pain, tears would flow from my eyes, taking the pain off my chest, clearing and cleaning my eyes from dust and clearing my vision, so that i can go on with my life in a better way.

I also learned not to give up on my entire life just because a part of it is broken.
i would go on wiht my duties,
would go on loving my friends
would go on "feeding my pigeons"
would go on enjoying simple joys of life
would go on trying to fix the broken part
would go on trying to find the right path for me
would go on developing myself
would not condemn myself for a mistake i did
would learn from my mistake
would forgive those who hurt me
would forget those who hurt me
would feel grateful for those who offered to lend me a hand
would go on loving the world
and Thank God for the sun shine every morning.

Here the original german lyrics, for those who understand german:

Julio Iglesias - Mit Tränen in den Augen ist man blind

Schau, die Sonne steht noch immer über Dir,
Die Blumen blühen noch immer vor der Tür
Und der Himmel ist blau

Hör, die Kinder spielen hinten auf dem Hof,
aus offnen Fenstern klingen Radios,
weil die Weilt ist nicht grau

Schau, die alte Dame, mit der keiner spricht,
vergisst auch heute ihre Tauben nicht,
dort im Park bleibt sie stehn

Schau, die Welt sie dreht sich weiter wie vorher
Und scheint sie dir auch sinnlos und leer
Sie ist immer noch schön
Jedoch, mit Tränen in den Augen ist man blind,
man sieht nicht wie die Dinge wirklich sind
und fühlt sich nur so grenzenlos allein
Jedoch, mit Tränen in den Augen ist man blind,
Drum geb mir deine Hand so wie ein Kind,
und lass mich bei dir sein
Schau, was war das hat dich froh und gleich gemacht,
du hast getanzt, du hast mit ihm gelacht,
Nun ist alles vorbei

Doch was war, lebt fort in der Erinnerung
Nimm deshalb dein Geschenk, frag nicht warum
Du bist jung du bist frei

Jedoch, mit Tränen in den Augen ist man blind,
man sieht nicht wie die Dinge wirklich sind
und fühlt sich nur so grenzenlos allein, allein, allein

Jedoch, mit Tränen in den Augen ist man blind,
Drum geb mir deine Hand so wie ein Kind,
und lass mich bei dir sein

Schau, die Sterne strahlen immer noch bei Nacht,
und alles was dich heute traurig macht
ist ein Traum der vergeht

Schau, ich will dir helfen, will zu dir stehn,
du darfst die Welt nicht mehr so düster sehn,
weil ja ich bei dir bin

and the english translation for non-german speakers :)

Julio Iglesias - With tears in his eyes one is blind

Look, the sun still shines above you,

flowers still blossom on the doorstep
And the sky is blue

Listen, children still play on the backyard,
from open windows comes the sound of radios,
and the world isn’t always grey

Look, the old lady with whom no one speaks,
never forgets her pigeons,
there, she is, standing in the park feeding them
Look, the world just turns like before
Although it seems meaningless and empty to you,
it is still beautiful

However, with tears in their eyes you are blind,
you do not see how things really are
and you feel as lonely as ever

However, with tears in their eyes you are blind,
So give me your hand like a child,
and let me be with you

Look, what was it that made you happy and equal,
you danced, you laughed with him,
Now it is all over
the past just lives on in memory
so just accept your gift, and dont ask why
You are young, you are free

However, with tears in their eyes you are blind,
you do not see how things really are
and feels just as limitless alone, alone, alone
However, with tears in their eyes you are blind,
So give me your hand like a child,
and let me be at your side

Look, the stars still shine at night,
and everything that makes you sad today
is just a dream that will pass

Look, I want to help you, will stand to you,
you may not see the world as bleak
because yes I am here for you

Thursday, April 15, 2010

cure is possible

few months ago i read a comment over a post, which was published over Dr. Mohamed Aly's blog, where one of his readers commented that he is gay, but never wanted to be.
the reader has wrote that he was pushed to go into this "direction", but never really wanted to be one, and that he was feeling bad and guilty about what he is doing and suffering from others' perception of his "doing"

this article was published in Al-Ahram newspaper on friday 30th October 2009- barid al ahram. a reply from Dr. Heba Kotb, sexual treatment specialist- replying to a man, who is suffering from "sick sexual orientation" - as he called it in his correspondence to the page's editor.

first paragraph of Dr. Heba's reply states clearly that 80% such "illness" is a direct result of child abuse: rape and/or father's aggressiveness, which makes this person hate being a male, feeling deep down that he belongs to the opposite sex, which then results to switching his interest to a male.
Dr. heba further explains that she has treated many cases, where the patients lost hope in being "normal" again, and never knew this was a kind of ill behaviour due to outside reasons, not his own choice.

The article was interesting for me, as i still remember the reader's comment at dr. Mohamed's blog- and back then i really wished i could help.

I am not judging any personal behviour or habit of anyone who chooses any certain path in his/her life. No, this is personal freedom, which i fully respect and never thought of judging or long as anyone is convinced with what s/he does, is perfectly fine with me. i respect long as it is a personal CHOICE, i have nothing against it, not even consciously discussing it.

actually my words only adress those who have been victims of child abuse or have had a hard life as they were young. those who want to change where they are now, and wish to be back to "themselves".
curing from such illness is possible and success percentage - as per dr. Heba's statement in an offiicial newspaper is up to 99%.

the curing road is long- as she stated- hard, but not impossible. and this is the important part.
as long as one hopes to cure, as long as one believes in his right to have an acceptable, normal life- everything will go according to your will.

I am sharing the info and hope that one day someone would benefit of it, and be back to him/herself.
wish i could do more to help out, but this is all i can do for the time being.
please whoever reads this post, spread the news, you never know, you could be saving someone from suffering for the rest of his/her life.
may god bless us all with health and happiness.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

A story of happiness

This story was published in Al-Ahram newspaper- friday's edition on 12th of March 2010.
it is the story of a woman, who had married the wrong person and suffered for a while from this marraige. after her divorce she kept away from any relationship and focused on raising her lonely child and her work.
as her child grew up and got independandt, she found herslef feeling lonely- despite her work, big family and friends. she couldnt explain this increasing lonlinessinside her, but was patient in dealing with it.

one day, she read at this same section of the newspaper the story of a man, who was seeking the advice of the section's editor.
he approached him before telling him how lonely he feels, also because he married what seemed like the wrong partner.
back then the editor advised him to look after his kids, as they need him and he shouldn't give up his responsibilities.
this time he wrote to the editor once more telling him how lonely he feels, after the kids have grown up, left home and his wife got ill.

she felt attracted to this lonely man, remembering her own lonliness and empty life. she contacted the editor, asking him to connect her with this gentleman.
confused about her own action and feeling, she blamed herself for this foolish step she took. how could she possibly think and act this way!!!
until one day a gentle voice reached out to her over the phone. it was that man telling her he got her contact from the editor, who saw in them potential couple, and hoped they would match.:)
after meeting and talking they felt equal attraction and agreed to marry.
she found in him a tender, supportive shoulder on which she could lane and relax. he found in her the lost warmth, companionship and love.
they complete eachother, fulfil eachother's needs and are happy in those moments they spend together.

The lady was writing to tell her sotry and thank the editor. although she knows he died couple of years ago, she felt she owed him a "thank you" for encouraging her to look for her happiness and for his understanding support for hers and her husband's needs- at such "age".

i kept this story since it was published,because it touched my heart so deep. I found myself reacting with the lady's words, feel sorry for her misery, tracing her fear upon knocking the new door of happiness, and feeling anxious about what would happen to her.
i could understand her fear or starting allover again at such an age, for trusting her feelings and approaching a stranger, and trying a new life's path.
i could feel all her "what if"s questions, her fear of a new story, her fear of another failure.
And deep down i felt happy for her and her husband, when they found their happiness together.

since i read the story, they are in my prayers.
I am asking whoever reads this post to pray for them to remain healthy and happy forever.

May Allah bless their lives and keep their happiness.
May Allah grant us all a healthy and happy life.
Amen :)

Sunday, April 4, 2010

من زاده تواضعه رفعة و حبا و اجلالا

Those who knew him closely, knew that he is a very simple person. still carrying this shy, lonely child from El 7alawat deep inside him.
no matters how famous he got, how far he travelled, how much he earned- Halim never changed. as simple, clean and clear as ever.
People, when truely good deep inside, dont change when getting famous or rich, holding more certificates or taking on higher positions.

Time never changed him, money and fame didnt change his transparent soul. his poor childhood never thrown behind his back and forgotten, he was proud to have been poor, to have been raised in a simple family, in a small village in an orphanage - at a certain time.

His pure soul never allowed him to act arrogantely with those arround him, for he understood the meaning of talent:it is a gift from Allah. nothing he earned, nothing of his own doings.
his fame never blurred his vision or got him away from the road he planned for himself. Family and friends remained close and dear to his heart- just as they were at his beginnings, when none knew Abdel Halim Shabana.

Ah ya Halim.your courteous behaviour showed others' arrogance clearly to my eyes. I can see how ugly they are, i can see how superficial people arround me are.
And again, I run to you. run to your home seeking your warm smell.

Thank you for being who you are.
Thank you for keeping the considerate, kind behaviour and give an example of a kind heart.
Thank you for giving such warmth to a stranger - me.
Thank you for never letting me down, and never being mean.
Thank you for being honest in your feelings, no matters what they are.
Thank you for being human.
Thank you for never disappointing me.
I appreciate the considerate and kind person you are, hate my ugly surrundoings without such kindness.

May Allah bless your soul and treat you with his kindness for all what you gave.