Saturday, July 31, 2010


There was a time when i thought a part of my soul has died and i dont want it back again.
today i found out that this part is still very much alive, and that i would never let it die, for it is a very important part of me.
I missed being free and open to new experiences. today this part is back again.
I am happy about it.
Welcome back, me :)

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A Flower

A flower says....  you are loved more than you think.
A flower says....  you deserve happiness.
A flower says.... you are my friend.
A flower says .... I am nature's hand to fight human's ugliness.
A flower says .... God is Almighty to create from a small seed such a beauty.
A flower says .... there is hope.
A flower says .... beauty is there for everyone to enjoy: poor and rich.
A flower says .... none can stop my blossom if God is willing for me to grow.
A flower says .... look at me and smile. costs you no effort.
A flower says .....i don't cost much, yet have so much value in me.
A flower says .... it takes an inner eye to see my value.
A flower says .... i can express more than all words of all languages do.
A flower says .... my odour is only for those who dare to come closer.
A flower says .... my beauty is unique.
A flower says .... I love you.

i am giving a flower to all my friends, beloved ones, family and everyone who reads this post.
A flower to cheer you up, make you feel loved and cared for, give you some hope and happiness.

hope you enjoy my virtual flower :)

Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
Veronica A. Shoffstall

Did you know...that when you walk past a flower, whether it be in somebody's garden or in a vacant lot, the flower will always smile at you. The most polite way to respond, I've been told, is to cheerfully return the smile.
Ron Atchison

Monday, July 26, 2010

a quality time

Kareem was watching his favourite show on TV, when i came and just sat there. i kept silent, not watching but just sitting next to him.
somehow he felt there is something wrong with me.
he looked at me, and silently put his arm around my shoulder pulling me closer to him.
"why do i feel a loose heartbeat here, love?"
i rested my head at his shoulder and sighed.
"would you love me when i am 70? old, weak, wrinkles allover my face?"
he looked at me and said "would you love me when i am 70, old, weak, wrinkles allover my face, all money, business and power gone?"
"of course i would. why should i change? i love you for who you are, not what you have. and kareem, to hell wiht money and power. i need only you.
he kissed my cheek lightly and said" darling, you have just answered the question yourself. to hell with beauty and anything superficial. you will always be beautiful to me, no matters what. those eyes will always shine for me. this heart will always held mine. this smile will always warm my soul. that doesnt change ya mariam."

i rested my head back on his shoulder and held him tight to me. we remained silent afterwards. then went to sleep shortly after.
God, i needed those few moments.
there was something filling my heart. a calmness and reassurance i needed. for no particular reason. maybe i just needed a kind word.
and he is always there for me to give love, warmth, reassurance and tenderness.
Kareem, how much i love you !

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Kareem's birhtday

Today is Kareem's birthday.
he is 43, looks far younger with his smiling, vivid eyes and incredibly young spirit.
maybe that is why i love him so much? i dont know. i dont remember how my life looked like before loving him.
I got him a watch of his favourite brand, simply wraped in it's case. red box having only the trade mark on it.
I will go to his office at 2 to give it to him. Already asked his secretary about his schedule. he has 15 minutes before next meeting starts. I would surprise him in those 15 minutes. wont wait until he comes home.

I arrived there 10 minutes early just to have time to check on my looks at the ladies' room, then marched into his office. winking at his secretary, i knocked the door.
come in, dalia.
i walked in and wihtout looking up from his laptop, he stretched his hand to me, thinking i was his secretary brining documents for the next meeting.
My face lit with a bright smile, while i was walking to him. stood infornt of the desk when he looked up.
Mariam???, hey, love. that's a pleasant surprise.
he stood up, came around the desk, gave me a quick kiss. what's up? where you in the neighbourhood?
No. i said. i came to give you this. and held the while bag up.
white simple bag, holding the shop's name "Time Trade". says nothing to him.
it's your birhtday's gift. i wanted to surprise you. maybe you'd even wear it for the next meeting.
he looked bluffed somehow. looked at the box inside the bag, and still cant figure out what it is.
i felt a childish happiness.:)))))
he got the box out and immediately recognized the trade mark graved on the red box.
looking at me with his big boyish eyes, surprised and not daring to believe.
"yes. please open it and see if you like it first. then we can talk"
"this is too much. this is too expensive. this is too precious."
"you are more precious to me"
this was all i could say. i wanted so much to tell him how much i love him, how much i appreciate his mare existence, what he means to me. but i kept silent and my eyes said it all.

he opened the box, looked at the watch. took it out and held it in his hands.
"it looks lovely" he said.
"we can change it. i chose another one at the shop and put it on hold. i know you have a meeting in 5 minutes. if you wish to see the other one, i'd stop at the shop and ask them to hold it longer for you till you check it and then choose."
he came closer, kissed and said "we are leaving right now. come"
"hey, your meeting."
"can wait"
we walked out of the office, he talked to dalia for a second then we left.
"leave your car here. the driver can get it home. come with me" i said. i know he is too tired to drive.
i drove to the shop, he checked the other watch, but decided he liked the one i chose better.
"come, let's have lunch. i am hungry" he said. there was a hotel nearby, we went there and checked the restaurant. it's one of his favourties.

the restaurant was nearly empty. we chose a table next to the window, placed the orders and just sat there.
he wasnt talking. i knew he wanted to say something. he was looking at me, so intensily.
we kept a light talk about business, the postponed meeting he was happy to escape, the kids.
food arrived. his favoourite pasta and my sea-food pizza.
i wasnt really hungry. i was very happy. I wanted today to be a happy day for him. i wanted it to be a special one. IT IS SPECIAL TO ME.
simple happiness filling my heart because he liked my gift. becasue i love him. because we were having lunch together, forgetting the whole world. just being wiht him makes me happy. i kept looking at him while we talked and my mind drifted away. i was thinking, oh God, how could i possibly love soemone that much. we share our lives, we have a home, kids and a stable life. wonderful in every meaning of the word.
but he is not my husband. not in the traditional meaning of the word.
he is the man i love. so much. to the extend that it hurts not to hold him. wish i could hold him right now.
none would have objected.

as we were leaving, i was walking next to him and we were having light conversation. deep down i was aware of all people around us. i wanted them all to know how much i love this man. I wanted them to see how much i was happy. i was smiling, my eyes shone with all the happiness and excitement i feel. i was listening to him and smiling. i said nothing. but my eyes said it all.
they simply said it out love: God, how deep i love you. in every single meaning of this word. for the rest of my life.
i drove back home. we were talking, still light things. nothing serious.
the kids were about to sleep, we kissed them good night and went to the living room.

he sat at the couch as i came in with the cake. chocolate cake. small one with only one candle to blow.
i smiled. " it's only you and me this year. i didnt invite anyone. your parents will come for lunch tomorrow"
he came closer to the table, leaned and blow the candle.
i took a photo of him. he looked up at me and smiled. i took another photo. and a third one.
i cant resist not capturing those moments of our lives. so i went on taking pictures.i love taking pictures of him. if it was up to me, i wouldnt have stopped taking pictures of him. i often take photos of him without him noticing. while he works at  home, sleeps, talks on the phone, plays iwht the kids.
i even have some of him while he was shaving.
when he notices me, he keeps laughing and says i should work as a photographer to get this need fulfilled.

he cut the cake and handed me over a slid, cut a slide for himself, then sat next to me on the couch.
we silently ate it.
Kareem turned to me, taking me in his arms, kissing my cheeks and said " thank you sweetheart. this was just wonderful. everything. the surprise, the watch, the lunch, the cake, this hug. you are too good to be true.
I am lucky to have you."
I held him very tight, kissed his cheek and just said " you don't know how much i love you. it is beyond explaining. beyond words to express. you are all i have and all i ever wanted."
and i meant it. he is all i have and all i ever wanted.
Kareem, the love of my life.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

just for today

Just for today, smile at someone you are not really fond of.
just for today, smile at a stranger
just for today, smile at a needy person while giving him money or food or whatever.
just for today, don't hurt anyone around you - no matters how "low" they are.
just for today, send someone a virtual flower.
just for today, make someone really really happy
just for today, give others some warmth
just for today, share someone else's pain
just for today, be friendly and gentle when talking to those arround you.
just for today, ask your subordinates to do their work in a kind way.
just for today, think of those who you haven't called in a while and check on them.
just for today, say "thank you" with a warm and sincere smile to the doorman who cleans your car.

just for today, BE HUMAN.

Friday, July 16, 2010

When you love someone

When you have very special feelings for someone

tell them they are missed.
call and check on them
go visit
send flowers
write them an email
send an ecard
buy them a small gift
invite them over lunch/dinner/coffee or even a bottle of water
drive to their home just to "see" it
get them your favourite chocolate and tell them you wished they'd taste it.
download their favourite music, put it on CD and give to them
pop up unexpectedly at their office to say "Hi, i just wanted to check on you" in 2 minutes.
drive them home, to save them the hassle
send them a funny email, jokes, touching story or some caring words "just to stay in touch"
give a hand at hard times at work -if you can- to take off some load off their shoulder.
be the warmth they long to at a cold winter day
be the smile they look for when life is dark
be the gentle hand to tab on their shoulder, when life slaps them on their face
be the heart, feeling their pain-hidden behind the mask they wear
be the caring hand to gently touch their cheeks telling "everything will be allright again"
be the secure, tight hug, when they are lost.
be the loving partner/friend/sister/brother/mother/father - depends on what they need right now.
be the loving eye, seeing the whole picture, yet reflecting only the beauty in them.
be the gentle understanding of all their imperfections, faults, and mistakes,
be the reassuring tender smile, telling them  how much you love it all
get them an extremely expensive gift, to tell them what words couldnt express

When there is nothing more to do, just pack your things and ......

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

One fine day :)

i borrow this title from Zou. she used it at one of her posts.
It was last Saturday, I had agreed with Rawani, Zou, Ibraheem, Radwa and Hanan to meet for late lunch in a restaurant in Heliopolis.
none of us mentioned any special occasions, and i literally asked Rawani not to mention to them what this day was.
we met 3adi, got to the restaurant, started talking and ordering food. Zou, Radwa, Ibraheem and myself.
Then Rawani joined after some time and at last came Hanan for the first time to meet us, after coming home from Jeddah :)

As I was sitting my back to the entrance, i didnt see what was happening behind my back.
Rawani and Zou started the surprise, while Ibraheem, Radwa and Hanan were VERY calm !!!
I found the girls kissing me and wishing me Happy Birthday, saying they didnt forget!
it was all planned from the beginning. starting from picking up the day, pretending they dont know, and leave it till last second- to be a REAL surprise for me.

I was showered with gifts:
- Books from Rouni (who spent a week ya 7aram trying to make me tell what kind of books i like)
- Book and Headscarfs from Zou and Ibraheem (i know Zou chose the colours. sa7 ya ibraheem :)))))?
- key holder from Radwa (roody, i am using it together with my old one. it looks soooo nice and completely different from what i would have choosen :))
- Perfume and Zamzam water from Hanan ( Neisy, when you asked me what i need from Jeddah, i wished i could tell you to get me Zamzam water. but i didnt want to push you:)))
then followed by 2 songs: happy Birthday and yalla &alan Balan 7ayw abou el fasad. :)))).

I had a mixture of feelings at this point, yet i guess i was good enough at hiding them.
i was very happy for the quality time i am spending with them
i was very grateful for the care they showered me. I needed it badly on this day.
i was surprised of the incredibly warm arrangements of eveything and how i didnt doubt it for a second that any of them remembers my birthday- which made me go completely speechless.
i felt LOVED.

Thank you, dearest Rawani, for being my friend. the ugly experience we went through together, turned out to a beautiful and rare friendship :)
your beautiful mind, soul and smile, made it very hard for me not to wish you'd be a lifetime friend. and el7amdollah that everyday that passes gets us closer and we both enjoy it.

Thank you Zou ya 7abibty. my first impression of the charming,warm and smooth way of welcoming a person in your life - has never changed. i still see you as i wrote in my post for your birthday. you have an incredible way of making me feel welcomed in your life and circle.your warm welcoming hug in your wrods-even over phone. And I can't resist hugging you every time i see you.leih teftekry?????
i cant imagine you could be sherrirah when giving lectures :)))))

Thank you ya Ibraheem. like you- i have so much to say to you bardo, but for an unknown reason i go speechless. but i know that you know what i want to say.
looks like the 2nd half of 2010 would bring some joys and the sad days are just behind us :)
i will only tell you one thing: you are one fine person and testahel kol kheir :)

Thank you ya Neisy, ya 7abibty. if i ever have a daughter, i would love her to be just like you. with all your crazyness, fun and life loving spirit, openness, clear and straight forward way and your very pure way of "feeling" people and differentiating the good from the bad.I might want to kill her bardo when she gets home late, but i would be happy to see her enjoying her young life to the maximum :)

Thank you ya Roody for joining the group. you have the spirit of an artist, which i enjoy in your writings and loved when  i saw your graduation project. dont care about the 0 comments on your blog. we all expereince this and one day you will be showered by comments. but dont stop writing for you have talent and i really really enjoy reading what you write.

Guys, you have been there for me at one of the most difficult times of my life- few months ago- and here you are again proofing to me the fine quality of persons you are.
thank you for caring to know when is my birhtday,
thank you for marking your calenders or just remembering it
thank you for the troubles you have gone through preparing all this
thank you for your support and warmth, which helped me to overcome the bitterness and sadness i felt on that day.
thank you for being my friends. you are a blessing i so much needed, which i would never trade for anything inn this world.

Allahoma lak el7amd 3ala ne3amak

Tuesday, 13th July - reliving the joy of Saturday 10th of July 2010.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Today with Joe

Having Joe spending today with me gives the day a very special taste.
the world was different before he came
he made such a difference in my life, in those few days he spent with me.
when he grows up he won't remember - of course- anything about today, and I won't mention it,
But I am documenting it here, whenever he wants, I would let him read this.
Joe, you made today the most beautiful day i have ever had.
you were sleeping as the day begun, I came closer and gave you a  light kiss at your cheek.
This is all what i needed to do to enjoy today, and see it in a different light.
Thank you sweetheart for being such a lovely baby.
Please know that your auntie loves you so much, even if she never tells you this in words.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Don't let these moments slip away

My dear friend Barry just posted something lovely as always.
please check this link.
I promise you a quality time of reading :)
Barry, you are a treasure :)


sometimes i feel lonely
sometimes i feel a sadness inside my heart
sometimes i feel anger from those around me
sometimes i feel happiness deep inside me
sometimes i feel gratitude for what i don't have and for what i have - it is all meant to be anyway.
sometimes i feel cheerful
sometimes i feel calm inside
sometimes i feel love is springing from my heart
sometimes i feel that my heart is full of love for any creature on this earth
sometimes i feel injustice is killing me
sometimes i feel that some sort of negative feelings are suppressing any sort of life inside me
sometimes i feel like screaming
sometimes i feel like crying
sometimes i feel free like a bird in God's open free sky
sometimes i feel trapped
sometimes i feel prisoned in my own dreams
sometimes i feel scared
sometimes i feel very confident of myself
sometimes i feel homeless
sometimes i feel "family-less"
sometimes i feel "friends-less"
sometimes i feel lost

What i never ever felt is hate towards anything or anyone.
elhamdollah for this

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Adham's birth

Adham and Mariam are playing with Roy- our dog- just few meters away from me. i was watching them, and somehow my mind drifted away to the day when Adham was born.
It was early morning on a Thursday, when Kareem drove me to the hospital. he stayed at my side the whole time, till our son was born. holding my hand, soothing my anxiety and sharing my pain and happiness.
the first moment our son had in this world was in my arms, with his father holding both of us.
I had a mixture of feelings: happy, secure, scared, tired, satisfied, but above all deep gratitude for what Allah has just granted me. A loving husband and a healthy child. this is all what i ever wished for.
what could a woman possibly want more?

We agreed on naming him Adham. both of us love the name.

Kareem stayed with me until i was released from the hospital, never leaving my side. somehow he felt how much i needed him. in a new and more intensive way, i needed his support.
i was scared to do any mistakes and harm our child. his smile and helping hand were there to ensure me it is ok and everything will be fine.

our first night at home with Adham he kept hugging me almost the whole time. as if he felt that he was our shelter.
the moments i held Adham in my arms were incredible- but the moments Kareem held me were just indescribable feeling.
Home was in his arms. warmth was his touch and safety was his heartbeat when i leaned against him.

I still remember how i felt right before falling asleep on that night: deep, solid and never ending love for my husband.

"Mummy, have you seen that?" my little champ came running to me, smiling and excited about something that just happened.
i didn't want to disappoint him by saying that i was miles away. i just held and kissed him.

Ya Allah, how can i ever thank you enough for what you gave me :)

kids - 2

hug your child. it is the most valuable gift you could ever give to it.
your hug make it feel secure, loved and cared for.
this is all what it needs to grow up in a healthy way.