Wednesday, February 23, 2011

untitled again

i dont find a title, mabye becasue i can't describe it.
a very strange feeling. mixture of many feelings.
things i want to forget
things i can not forget
moments i love to remember
very painful, countless seconds that have passed, but are never over.
cruel moments followed by friendly care
a bundle i can not handle.
i can not get rid of
i can not deal with.
not with help of my doctor, friends, family or anyone
too harsh on me to deal with
i don't even know where to start.
Ya Allah, you are the only one who can help me through this.

Saturday, February 19, 2011


What does it mean when you "delete" someone's contacts: email, mobile number, home address, private phone, birthday, etc from your records- yet they are still "saved" in a secured area of your heart & mind.

How could someone, who disappeared countless seconds ago, still keep their tender gestures engraved in your heart?

What does it mean?

Monday, February 14, 2011

Just for today

Just for today, hold hands with your soulmate as though you were holding hands for the first time.

Soulmate covers friends, parents, family members, neighbours - anyone you need to express love to.
Never underestimate the power of love. it keeps hearts alive.

Sunday, February 13, 2011


i never asked myself why I love my country. I just found myself loving my life here for the past 35 years, since I was at school and got to learn what home and country means in one's life.
at my german school i got to learn how to love my country and how to keep it at it's best:: serving it, working to make it better, making it part of my personality, part of who I am.

Throughout the past 20 years I lived in Masr believing my happiness is just few steps away, I only have to move towards it to reach it. I never lost hope. was positive that it would come.
one day it would come.
one day I will wake up finding my happiness, my life would settle in a new phase of change, where I would be able to enjoy my life, after long years of working hard to make this happiness.
hard 12 years passed at school with me having good grades.
4 years at colleage, my biggest dream coming closer.
19 years of continous working in corporate life.
when I saw a light, promising me of happiness for as long as I shall live - I was confronted with a truth I didn't pay attention to : You are too old now. You have expired.what you are hoping for now is not made for you.

First time in my life I wanted to leave.
I applied for immigration. Canada, Australia, and New Zealand.
For the first time in my life I didn't find place for me in my home.
I saw it eyes of many Egyptians: I am expired and should leave.
not leave the country, leave life and go else where.
All my applications were refused for officially an unknown reason.
but i knew the reason.
as egyptian citizen I was regarded as someone coming from "third world", most probably won't add value to a developed "first world" country like any of the above.

Today, after the revolution of 25th of January 2011, I am hoping I would have a respected "personality" infront of those governments and would be granted the immigration to any of them.
as much as I am proud of my young people, who lead this revolution,
as much as I am grateful to them to giving me hope of a new life anywhere "outside" my home
as much as it hurts like hell that almost everyone here looks at me as "expired" - when I still could give so much,
I would have loved to live in Masr.

If anyone in Masr reads this, please give others the chance to live.
think twice before hurting someone with this stupied idea of "you are too old". a human being never expires as you think. every person has his/her own value that would to life here.
In your young years don't label others with this ugly judgement "too old to live & to have a dream".
Thank you for spreading this concept among your "young" friends".

an old lady of 42 years.

Nights in Rodanthe

"She believed that romance and passion were possible at any age, but she'd listened to enough of her friends to know that many relationships ended upbeing more trouble than they were worth.
Adrienne didn't want to settle for a husband like the ones her friends had".

"my dad came to save me......
when things are hard, as they are for me, fall back on the knowledge that not only would he have done the same thing for you that he did for me, but because of you, I was given the chance to get to know and love my dad."

Reading this novel for Nicholas Sparks, i came across a very rare type of love: a love that was born, developed and lasted a lifelong within few days.
A love going so deep into a soul of two persons, changing them, changing the view they saw their lives in, changing their feelings towards their future, keeping them to go on through tough time and for many years after.

it touched me, despite its sad end, in a way I felt this story must be true, none could make such a story. it seemed soo alive and real to me.
I always hoped to find such a love, and wondered if it is better to live a normal life, with no complications in my important areas - or I would appreciate finding a soul-deep love, lasting for some time and cause me a lifelong yearning and a satisfaction as well.
I found myself going for the second option. I am willing to accept a love that would touch my soul, even if it is not meant to be for a life rather than living a complication-less, normal life.
As hard as this choice seems to me, as satisfactory it is for the kind of person I am.
I might not meet this very special someone, however I would still stick to my choice :)