Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Award time

My dear friend, living accross the globe Barry from "Life in Quotations" gave me the "Super Comments Award".

Since i came across his blog by accident, i found myself attracted to his writings. they are simply "simple". by being personal writings saying very much about what he thinks or feels. for many it might not be somehting fancy or big- but for me his writings have always touched me, because they come from his heart and went directly to mine.
Barry, thank you so much for the award. you know how much your friendship means to me, how much i appreciate the way you listen to me, and the way your support at one of the darkest moments of my life made me feel "human" again.
thank you for being my friend :)))))

Here are the rules:
•Thank the person who nominated you.
•Post the award in your blog.
•Link to the person who gave it to you.
•Answer 10 questions that come with the award.
•Nominate of few of your favorite bloggers.

Here goes:
1. Why do you blog?
I am used to writing my thoughts and feelings on word document and save them on the MSN skydrive. never thought of sharing them.
then Ze2red came with the idea that i should blog. i instantly refused. i have nothing to say. what i write is pure personal and wouldn't interest anyone to read.
one day I was calling my teacher and found him ill. he talked about death and that it might be time for him to leave here and rest elsewhere. we kept talking and me teasing him and we laughing as usual.
when i hang up, i realized that i had soemthing to say to the whole world. it is very personal, but i wanted the whole world to read it. i want to tell the whole world about this man.
i started to write and kept the document as usual, TILL I CREATE A BLOG.
all i had in mind was him. the blog's name referred to him, the aim was his request and the first post went to him.
when everything was ready, i called him, explained the idea and read the first post to him.
he was extremely happy, and i felt like flying at the 7th sky for making him happy like that.
he asked me to keep writing and keep the aim of the blog "keep the kindness, Hebba"

2. What are your 3 best memories?

- my very first working day. i felt that my independence is complete.
- when I saw Bernd again in 2004, after 17 years of his leaving Egypt. Back then i was happy to see him again, spend some time as a grown up woman, knowing that i might not see him ever again.
- my school days starting from grade 9. every moment passed during those 3 years has a very special meaning for me. even hard days of exams, bad days of results. even the cruel days of 12th grade. i hold those memories very close to my heart :)
3. If you had to change your real name what would you change it to?

I love this name. no specific reason. i just love it
4. What are five things you can't live without?


5. What are the 4 best books you've ever read?
- Tueasdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
- The Promise (Danielle Steel)
- Nizar Qabbany's poems
- Literature written after the 2nd World war
- "Nachts schlafen die Ratten doch" a short story for Wolfgang Borchert

6. Tell me something unique and interesting about yourself.

I love to dance. never practiced. but would love to learn different dances one day.

7. What do you love best about yourself?

my soft heart. All i know is i dont want it to harden, that's why i am trying to keep it safe from getting hurt.
8. What is the best movie ever made?

For me they are 2, which i can't live without- and cant resist watching, whenever possible:
- The Promise
- You've got mail
9. If you had a "Freaky Friday" experience who would you trade places with and why?

A mother of 6 children.
I adore kids, always wished to have 12 kids- or even more.
10. What's the best part about being a woman?

This is what I am trying to find out till now :))))

 I'm giving this 'Super Comments Award'
- Ibhog
- Rawanies
- Ze2red
- Neisy ( i know Barry already awarded you :))
- Cindy


You- as parent- are the first and most important mirror your child would get to see itself in.
Please reflect only the positives, and treat the negatives wisely.
your child needs your support to grow up and gain self confidence. if it is missing, your child would never get over this lack.
no matters at which age, our parents are the most important supporter and admirer we would ever have. their appreciation of who we are, and what we are trying to achieve is the most important goal we would have in life.
their love and admiration are the most important success factor we would ever want to see.

Please be careful of what you reflect to your child.
it is your opinion which really matters- all the time, till the end.

Friday, June 25, 2010


Kareem is up to something. i can see it in his eyes.
they dont shine and smile this way, unless he is up to something.
when he left about 2 hours ago, he was in hurry and wouldnt say where he is going. it's friday. he rarely goes out alone on a friday. it's our day.

just finished lunch, changed and looking out: here he drives in.
i go meet him, like i used to do when he comes home.

"close your eyes and ears"
"eyes, ok. but ears? why?"
"just do it"
i did. closed my eyes and plugged my fingers into my ears.
after about 2 minutes i feel him coming closer to me, kissing my cheek and taking away my fingers from my ears. i automatically open my eyes.

its music. unfamiliar to me. then Kazem starts singing.
hey, this is the new album?
"yes, love"
" didnt know it is released. thought it would be after 2 weeks."
"this is a special edition for you,sweetheart."
he held me, kissing my cheek " it is good to have connections, you know. i know the producer. he promised it a while ago.this morning he called and said i could pick it up. so here you go. enjoy, love"

I held him back, very tight.
"it is good to have a loving connections needed here"

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I love… (Tagged)

Another game and i’m tagged in. yessssssssssss two tags in one month :))).
That’s a fun i started to love.
Here Ze2red tagged me to list down ten things I love and then tag another 10 people. So here we go:

I love …

1. My teacher, Bernhard Schmidt.i can't get enough of talking wiht him, teasing him, disussing God and the world with him, singing old songs, listening to his adventures and music, to his old stories.
I am grateful to have him.

2. Sea, beach, waves (moderate height tab3an), the smell of it, the tender touch of sand, the playful way waves caress my feet when i walk.

3. Chocolate. I can't have enough of its bitter-sweet taste, melting in my mouth very slowly.

4. Having/making friends.i am a people person. i miss having my friends around me, talking to them, communicating with them, seeing them if possible. my friends are very dear to me, i choose them very carefully. and those who i call "friends" stand in the closest circle to me, and really know me very well.

5. Music. i love different singers, kinds of music, enjoy it in different languages. if someone checks the list of songs i have on my mobile to listen to whereever i am, none will be able to define my taste. simply, because i love any song which captures my heart. could be because of the singer, lyrics, music, anything.

6. reading. i love to read. love to gain knowledge in general, hate to read in politics but try to be updated. but novels and poems capture my heart. they are my real passion in reading. with any of the languages i understand. they just take me away from my present and transform me into the world where they tell. i am part of this world and remain there until i am trough with reading the book/poem.
reading activates my imagination. it gives me the chance to draw the scenes in my mind, watch it happen, imagine how ppl look like, how places are, etc. Magic!

7. movies. I love movies, old or new, with any language i can understand. i watch movies as if they are real, react to each scene, cry/smile according to happenings, enjoy happy ends, hate it when the hero dies, hate horor and action movies. they increase my heartbeat until it really hurts.

8. photographing. i love takeing photos of my family, friends, scenes, surroundings, anything that captures my eye and i develop a liking for it. it could be a simple scene on the street, but i just love it. that's why my first criteria in choosing my mobile set was the camera resolution. mobiles with good cameras are more handy than moving around wiht a camera in my pocket.

9. Kids. i love kids.just adore being around them.touching them, dealing wiht them, talking if possible, hugging if the child is family or friend, playing iwht them, and often often just spoiling them. spoiling in the sense of teasing them wiht some funny gestures, but i dont spoil them with bad behaviour. i love telling them stories, singing with them, feeding them. just being around. they purify my world.

10. dogs (big german shephered). "wish to have a dog" is my phone name, my nick name over msn, often my status over FB. dogs are loyal, funny, warm and tender creatures. they develop a deep love and acceptance of their friends. they make me feel loved, cared for, protected, warm and accepted. i love to hug a dog. i feel that when it rubs its face at my shoulder it hugs me back-giving a warmth i can not compare to anything else.

time to tag 10 friens. i dont have 10 friends, guess most of them Zou has already tagged.

- Rawanie
- Neisy
- Ibhog
- Barry ( i know he is extremely busy :(

Monday, June 14, 2010


Dreaming of a better tomorrow, when I feel trapped in my today.
Dreaming of love, when I miss it in my life.
Dreaming of kindness, when others are cruel and mean to me.
Dreaming of sun's warmth and shine, when I am buried in cold and ugly surroundings.
Dreaming of laughter, when my tears silently roll down my cheeks every night.
Dreaming of happiness, when i can't remember last time i felt content.
Dreaming of flowers, while going through my deserted path in life.
Dreaming of life, when people around me see me as a dead person.
Dreaming of honesty, when my ears are showered with lies.
Dreaming of hope, when i feel just "hopeless"
Dreaming of success, when someone tells me how a mess I am.
Dreaming of a life as a human being, when someone treats me as a rock.

I will never stop dreaming.

It is the only weapon that none can take away from me
It is the only way for not to be beaten.
My dreams keep me alive.Those who don't dream, are the dead ones :)

I dream of the day, when...... (by Abdel Halim Hafez)

I dream, and dream and dream
hopefully my dreams would come true
hopefully they will become true in every single minute
I dream of the day when everyone would talk only in a kind way
I dream of the day when none gets ever hurt
I dream of the day when everyone's life path is only filled by everlasting happiness
I dream of the day when future brings only happiness and joy to all humans
I dream of the day when I see it with my own eyes how life pays back those who were badly hurt
I dream of the day when I see lost, lonly hearts have finally found their happiness
I dream of the day when I see everyone found a home for his heart.
I dream of the day when I see those whose hopes were shattered, finally find back their smiles
I dream of the day when I see this whole world is enlightend by happiness shine
I dream of the day when I see an everlasting, shining fullmoon.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Fun day :)

its the kids Fun day at school today. a friday as usual.
Kareem usually keeps an eye over his laptop for urgent business matters, yet stays home for the weekend. today this will be hard to keep, if he would join the kids in their activities :)))

pushing the door open, both of them run to their sleeping father waking him up with squizes, kisses, hugs and evn holding his nose (Mariam's favourite gesture)
daddy, its funday. wake up.
a pair of sleepy eyes opened and looking at me: isn't it still early?
no. you have to get up :)

Driving to their school, they were thrilled. singing, teasing eachother, teasing their daddy and just chatting.the atmosphere was fun. a good start of the day so far.
Kareem was whistling melody of our favourtie song, and i found myself just wanting to sing. i sang the words to the melody he is whisteling.he looked at me and send me a kiss in the air :)

the whole school is decorated with colored paper and flowers. many stands offering different entertainment thigs for the kids: face painting, card games, vidoe games, snacks, ice cream, juices, funny accessories for girls, etc.

each class has prepared a small show to present infront of parents and teachers throughout the day.
Adham's class is no. 5 in row. they prepared a short play. he is so secretive about it. refused to tell me what it is about. only asked to borrow a tie from his father. Kareem gave him his favourite blue silk one. i was surprised of his choice.
Mariam's class prepared a song for Sayed Darwish "el 7elwa dih".she ran to her join her class at behind the stage to get prepared.
on time, the teacher announced the song, the curtain opens showing the girls & boys standing in 2 rows.
music started and they started to sing.they sang first part all together, then music. then to my surprise Mariam stepped ahead of her row to sing the second part-just few words- solo.
Kareem and myself were suprised to hear our little girl singing alone, and watching her standing bravely on her own, head lifted up and sooo confident of herself.
she has her daddy's character, i whisper to Kareem. he leaned towards me whispering back "and her momy's charm" holding my hand and slightly squizeeing it.
as they finished, me and Kareem rushed to her. she came running into her daddy's arms into a big hug. I joined in the hug, we both kissed her.
"sweety, that was lovely" he said kissing her.
"i am good daddy? thank you. i kept practicing because i wanted you to see me good"
Go on, change your cloths and lets have some fun, i said. she ran off.

Adham was playing football with his friends. we waved to him that we are going to the face painting booth. Kareem chose to pain a lion face, Mariam chose a butterfly, i chose a bird's face.
nose is yellow,rst of my face is blue, green and yellow. Momy, you look funny-said Mariam.
it is funday sweetheart :)))
we moved to another booth, Adham joining. he and Kareem played some shooting. Kareem won a soft teddy.good shooter :)
we checked some other booths, the kids got some snacks and juices, till it was time for Adham to join his class for preparation.

He disappeared behind the stage and once more we were seated waiting for our son and his role :)
the class imitated a school day. stage is prepared to look like a classroom, kids are seated and waiting for the teacher to start. Adham came in standing infront of them playing the teacher's role. from his words, the kids should guess which one of their teachers is he doing after.
now, that is crazy AND funny.
i looked to Kareem and found him with a bright smile.what is it?
"this was my favourite game at school. mimicking teachers and my colleagues guessing who it is. it was my idea, you know, when he asked me"
ohhhhhhhh - was all i could say :)
Adham is a good actor. his colleagues had fun guessing and asking questions- while he kept the serious face of the teacher.

after the play, handing over the tie to his father, he asked "daddy, was i like you"
"absolutely, champ" looking at them, junior one was glooming from happiness, senior one was proud of his junior "picture"
"why can't i get enough from loving you?" i whispered to Kareem while we are moving.
"maybe because i still have so much to give you, 7abibty"

we checked some more boothes till it was time to leave.
on the way back Mariam sang again, while Adham kept interrupting her with his stories.
kareem and myself were quiet. listening to them and just enjoying their laughter.

they are finally in bed, still too excited to sleep, but they will in a while. i kissed them good night and went to check on Kareem.
he is sitting in the living room watching the video we made today, and silently smiling to himself.
just looking at him and at the screen showing our kids made my heart heavy with love and happiness. I am blessed with a wonderful husband and my kids with the best dad.

El7amdollah 3ala ne3metak ya rab :)

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


Stop lieing
Stop pretending
stop the false behaviour
stop showing false feelings
I don't believe any of it anymore
so don't bother.
It's not worth it anymore

Long term planning

"Long term planning" was a lifestyle i learned and adopted at a very young age, for not to let my life just pass, and I was convinced that this is the correct thing to do.who could possibly control your life better than you, who should direct it to the path you want to go through.
For years i planned my steps, often i succeeded in keeping my plans, sometimes things got out of my hand for some reason.

when some of my plans just shattered, and for no reason i lost my battle, I began to think about it and view things in a different light.
at the end i realized, that it is not ONLY my planning and my mind are in control of my life. not even my emotions and wishes.
There is someone, who is controlling my life,plans and steps, whose hand is even more powerful than mine, and who knows just better than me.
it is Allah, who guides me through life. not my planning, mind, experience, learning.
it is only him.
and to him i handover my plans, and accept what he gives me.
This doesn't mean that I am giving up on my plans, hopes and wishes.
I will keep on trying to make them come true,
i will go on working on making them come true,
and doing my best effort.
But if they don't come true, then I am thinking that it is just not meant to be.
And move on to next dream :))))))

...... Pictures, Images and Photos

Monday, June 7, 2010

The Art of Living

when i read this story in Friday's weekly newspaper "Al Ahram" i had mixed feelings: happy for them, enjoying what i read, wondering if there is still someone like that & this is not a fairy tale and wishing to experience the same happiness, by getting to learn "the art of living".

it is a young woman telling her life story, as she got married through the traditional way to someone, which appeared suitable for her.
there is no love story behind their marriage-as she said- giving no expectations of any extra happiness. it would be just a normal life, with all its daily routines as many people around.

Yet, as she started her life with her husband, he surprised her with his gentleness, tenderness and his life-loving-spirit, and his enjoying of small, simple things- which life offers all of us- and made her see everything in a different, joyful light.
He surprised her with small things she used to love, but never told him about. he was asking her friends and family about what she likes, and held the info until he could surprise her with them :)

As she was pregnant with their first child, he used to lock himself up to do something secretly, which she didn't understand at the beginning. it was just unlike him.
he never worked at home- home is for family and fun and life only.
yet during these days he seemed to be busy with something. she kept on checking on him until she found out:
he is reading a book which explains what a woman goes through during pregnancy, so that he understands and support her in a better way!!!!!

additionally, he has a great sense of humor, which he uses to simplify life's complications and make them bearable. often- she says- middle in a discussion i find myself laughing about his jokes and forget the problem we were discussing.
his simple and comfortable soul made their life easier than it could be with all difficult situations they faced, and made her feel safe and secure.

when they were facing financial troubles, he never made a great deal of it, but tried to easy things for them, and made her and their son enjoy their moments with the simplest things. when they can't afford a day out, he made his son some funny looking sandwiches to cheer him up.
at the times they could afford an outing, their son preferred to stay home and enjoy dad's nicely-looking sandwiches :).
their son inherited the sense of loving life and is as easy going as his father.

She said that as they got engaged he was just a suitable candidate, who could make her happy. but as days passed and she got to know him, all she could think of everyday is how to make this man happy, how to give him back part of his love and care. and not only him, but she got "infected" with his life-loving soul and continuously trying to make others happy, with whatever simple things she has in her hand. he has taught her how to enjoy life with simple things, and add joy to every day's tasks. he taught her the art of living.
What really touched me in this story are mainly 2 things:
- the husband's love and care for his wife, cherishing her, wanting to make her happy- even if he doesnt have a fortune. he just gave what he have: love and care- shown in simple actions.
- the wife's appreciation of her husband care and love, not taking it for granted, enjoying his simple loving gestures and supporting him by adopting his way in enjoying simple life.
how many times have we wasted diamonds, just because we were too busy collecting stones.
this is what the lesson this couple is giving us :)))))
The editor's comment was touching as well. wishing them a long life full of happiness and love, encouraging her to keep on the positive thinking and life-loving spirit- as well as admitting that her husband must be a very special and rare person.

May Allah bless her small family with love, happiness and the 'Art of living'.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

A very special occasion :)

Kareem won't be home for dinner, it's just me and the kids. he is working late again.

I decided to ware the blue dress Kareem insisted to get me few weeks ago. I liked it very much, but knew i couldn't possibly wear it with this deep cut at the back and front.but he insisted on getting it. :)

I hear him driving in, so I hurried to the door and opened it just as he was about to put the key in.
"hey, you look lovely. i thought you forgot the dress."
" was just waiting for a special occasion to wear it, love. welcome home." i hold him tight just like i do every day.

I prepared some light sandwiches for him, knowing he will not eat warm food that late at night. cheese & salami mini sandwiches and frozen yogurt with fruits for dessert.

While eating, he seemed to be preoccupied. then he looked at me and said:
"Mariam, I am sorry. i don't remember what is the occasion we are celebrating tonight. its not our anniversary, nor any one's birthday. I am sorry, just things at office have been very hard lately. hm, would you tell me what we are celebrating tonight?"

" a very special occasion to me: you're coming home after almost 18 hours of continuous work. I just missed you at home."

a very long tight hug, saying all what we wished to say.
How much I love and cherish him, how much he appreciates and loves me.

A very special occasion :)

Friday, June 4, 2010

1st game at my Blog :))))))

This is my first time to play blog's games and i am excited about it. it looks like fun and it is something new to me, so why not try it and enjoy even if i am revieling things about me :)

here it goes

1. Name who asked you to play this game.


2. Mention six secrets nobody can uncover about you when meeting you for the first time.

1. I get easily hurt, but I never show it in public- especially to the one who hurt me. it's a kind of protecting myself and NOT giving him/her the satisfaction of having hurt me.

2. I love having fun and laughing. but when i meet people for the first time, i try not to show that, for sometimes people think i am haifah and judge me for i play the "3a2lah" rule until they find out themselves.

3. I am usually an easygoing person with almost everyone, yet i tend to be very hard on those who interfere in my personal life and won't take a polite answer.

4. I am a shy person by nature, but most of the times i give the impression that i am very self confident and careless person- for not to get attacked.

5. I love chocolate :)))))

6. I love Nizar Qabbany, but usually dont mention in public, because of his "unusual" language.
but i adore his straight-forward, honest and open way. and hate liars, no matters how good they appear.

7. I love slow dancing. never practiced, but hoping i'd get the chance to practice :)))))

Now i should tagg 6 people in this game. As i dont have six people aslan, I will re-tag some of you again. i know they will hate me:

- Rawanie :)
- Neisy
- Cindy
- Barry (hope he has time for it next weekend)
- Ibraheem
- Marwa

Hope you'd have time to play this game with us. enjoy some fun away from the stressful life we all lead :)

Thursday, June 3, 2010

cakes for breakfast

I stood up earlier than usual, having some fun in mind: I would bake a cake for breakfast.
"Love, would you share the morning fun, or you'd rather sleep for 30 more minutes?"
he opened one eye asking what i have in mind  "baking cakes for breakfast"
"it's only me who is helping out?" i nicked. he jumped off bed, kissed my cheek and while going to bathroom he said "give me 10 minutes, and i will join you".
Good. fun is about to start :)

"what are we baking?"
"chocolate, Cinnamon and orange cakes"
"i love you for that" he said, kissing my cheek again.
"get to work ya doctor" i smilingly pushed him away from me towards the table, handing him the mixer.

I hear him behind my back mixing the eggs, sugar and butter, while was putting flour with cocoa, flour with Cinnamon and flour with orange skin pieces and juice- each in a different pot to mix later on with the fluid Kareem is preparing.
I was testing the texture of cocoa and flour, when he put his arms around my waist talking to me from behind "finished madame. what shall i do next?"
i turned around to tell him to get the pot over here, when i realized that he had tasted it. he had a fine yellow line just above his upper lip. I touched it, forgetting that i already had flour and cocoa at my fingers.
that was funny, they all mixed at his upper lip and I was already laughing and telling him he has a chocolate cake ingredients at his upper lip.
"oh, this is unfair. I don't possibly want to keep it all." with a simple move, he took some of the mixture from his lip and put a point at my nose top.
"Heey, don't do that" i tried to pull my face far from him, when he was already hugging me and laughing out loud.
"stop laughing. you have some yourself. I am no wonder" 
he stopped laughing and smilingly kissed it off my nose.

I was mixing the ingredients, when Kareem was standing right behind me, reaching out for the pots, dipping his finger in each one and tasting it.
"don't do that. this is unhealthy. eggs are raw in there"
no answer, of course. Adham inherited this from him. whenever he catches me in kitchen, he must taste anything i do, no matters what it is.
"that tastes good. but here you should put in more Cinnamon, this is not as strong as usual. check it keda."
he pushed his finger with a lump of raw cake in my mouth to taste it. true. it needs some more Cinnamon powder, I say."see, if it wasn't for my tasting it, you would have never realized" he teased me.

cakes are in oven to bake, I am making the dishes, while Kareem dries them.he enjoys such simple doings, as if it takes aways the load of mental work he usually does at office. I enjoy having him around. I love spending time with him, doing anything. dishes, reading, talking, nonsense, just anything. and I miss him when he is at office.

Adham and Mariam came running into the kitchen, hugging and kissing us good morning.
Adham climbed at his back as usual, while Mariam hang at his neck. he sat on the kitchen floor talking and laughing with them. when i came to his rescue, he pulled me down to them, holding us all into a family hug.
"cakes are ready. we can move to the dining room" I urged the 3 of them to stand up.
6 pairs of eyes looked up at me, of them 2 daring eyes smiling at me, he said with the same childish smile as Adham "Can't we eat here? just as we sit there? Please?"
I can't resist his smile, his young spirit nor his loving eyes when they look at me like that.
"of course, love. why not. who cares about dishes."
we sat on the kitchen flour, me with a small knife cutting the cakes, giving each one of them slice of his favourite. they were neat enough to held a small tissue in their hand to keep parts from falling on the floor.

"Thank you, sweetheart" i received a kiss from my husband. "for the fun, time we spent alone, the unusual breakfast on the kitchen floor. and for your Love".
" you are more than welcome ya doctor. have i told you lately that i adore you?"
"no. you have 3 minutes to tell me and to kiss me goodbye before i run to office".
"I adore you. " I hold him very tight and kissed him :)

A tall soul in God's garden

I came across this story as I was surfing the internet tonight. it touched me and I thought of sharing.
Author Unknown

Our house was directly across the street from the clinic entrance of Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. We lived downstairs and rented the upstairs rooms to out patients at the clinic.

One summer evening as I was fixing supper, there was a knock at the door. I opened it to see a truly awful looking man. "Why, he's hardly taller than my eight-year-old," I thought as I stared at the stooped, shriveled body. But the appalling thing was his face, lopsided from swelling, red and raw.
Yet his voice was pleasant as he said, "Good evening. I've come to see if you've a room for just one night. I came for a treatment this morning from the eastern shore, and there's no bus 'til morning."
He told me he'd been hunting for a room since noon but with no success, no one seemed to have a room. "I guess it's my face... I know it looks terrible, but my doctor says with a few more treatments..."

For a moment I hesitated, but his next words convinced me: "I could sleep in this rocking chair on the porch. My bus leaves early in the morning."
I told him we would find him a bed, but to rest on the porch. I went inside and finished getting supper. When we were ready, I asked the old man if he would join us. "No thank you. I have plenty." And he held up a brown paper bag.

When I had finished the dishes, I went out on the porch to talk with him a few minutes. It didn't take a long time to see that this old man had an oversized heart crowded into that tiny body. He told me he fished for a living to support his daughter, her five children, and her husband, who was hopelessly crippled from a back injury.
He didn't tell it by way of complaint; in fact, every other sentence was preface with a thanks to God for a blessing. He was grateful that no pain accompanied his disease, which was apparently a form of skin cancer. He thanked God for giving him the strength to keep going.
At bedtime, we put a camp cot in the children's room for him.

When I got up in the morning, the bed linens were neatly folded and the little man was out on the porch.
He refused breakfast, but just before he left for his bus, haltingly, as if asking a great favor, he said, Could I please come back and stay the next time I have a treatment? I won't put you out a bit. I can sleep fine in a chair." He paused a moment and then added, "Your children made me feel at home. Grownups are bothered by my face, but children don't seem to mind." I told him he was welcome to come again.

And on his next trip he arrived a little after seven in the morning.
As a gift, he brought a big fish and a quart of the largest oysters I had ever seen. He said he had shucked them that morning before he left so that they'd be nice and fresh. I knew his bus left at 4:00 a.m. and I wondered what time he had to get up in order to do this for us.

In the years he came to stay overnight with us there was never a time that he did not bring us fish or oysters or vegetables from his garden.
Other times we received packages in the mail, always by special delivery; fish and oysters packed in a box of fresh young spinach or kale, every leaf carefully washed. Knowing that he must walk three miles to mail these, and knowing how little money he had made the gifts doubly preciou s.

When I received these little remembrances, I often thought of a comment our next-door neighbor made after he left that first morning.

"Did you keep that awful looking man last night? I turned him away! You can lose roomers by putting up such people!"
Maybe we did lose roomers once or twice. But oh! If only they could have known him, perhaps their illnesses would have been easier to bear.
I know our family always will be grateful to have known him; from him we learned what it was to accept the bad without complaint and the good with gratitude to God.

All this happened long ago - and now, in God's garden, how tall this lovely soul must stand.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


this is a small gift to you, my friends, and to whoever stops by this blog.
in this folder called "hope" you will always find a small part of my soul for you to take whenever you need.

Things don't always work out
the way we plan them.
and in the middest of confusion
we wonder how things
could ever be right again.
But things have a way of working out
and some times,
they work out better
than we ever dreamed they could.

Whenever you feel depressed
or sad, or very distressed
look at the dark blue night,
isn't it a glorious sight?
stars seem to be looking down at us
everyone dancing in a pretty dress.
and then look at the moon
who knows he will disappear soon,
doesn't it shine, and tenderly smiles at you?

Faith goes
up the stairs
love has built
and looks out the window
which hope has opened...
Charles Spurgeon

Surely, in the light of history, it is more intelligent to hope rather than fear, to try rather than not to try.
Eleanor Roosevelt

There can be hope only for a society which acts as one big family, not as many separate ones.
Anwar Sadat
Former Egyptian President

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge.

That myth is more potent than history.
That dreams are more powerful than facts.
That hope always triumphs over experience.
That laughter is the only cure for grief.
And I believe that love is stronger than death.
Robert Fulghum

to: You

I know you will not read this letter. you dont know how to read, and you dont understand this language.
but still, i need to write it.
I know it will not reach you, i don't have your adress to send it
but still, i need to write it.
you don't know how to read anyway.

whatever you think of me:less, bad, old, ugly, poor- it doesn't mean that i am no longer human.
no matters how low you see me, you have no right to hurt me.

throughout the time I have known you, you were harsh on me for no obvious reason.
I spent hours trying to find an excuse for your behaviour.
my heart always came to your rescue, when my mind would shut you out.
you never noticed they existed.

a lie after the other was forgiven. you never saw that sad look in my eyes.
a stab after the other was hidden. you never saw me bleeding.
harsh move after the other was tolerated. you never noticed i am human and have feelings.
cruelness with me, gentleness with others. a bitterness in my throat you know nothing about.
few moments of feeling safe and happy followed by an unexpected stab in my back-to keep me bleeding for years.
few said words, sending me to the 7th sky are usually an intro to a long lasting wound.